how I loved you so...little did you know

I was reminicing on the times
before you went away
Sleepless nights
because together we wanted to stay
Early mornings in car parks
with endless conversations
I remember the look in your eyes
so smitten with love
My heart you enthralled

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

- Robert Frost

Mr. whoever you are

"A woman either loves or hates--she knows no medium"

from high heels and parties to high chairs and potties

Prepare to be Evicted !!!

28 weeks and 1 day.....

I had my 7 month visit today and I have to say it probably was the shortest of them all. In terms of seeing the doctor I mean I was in and out in no time. My little man was as usual hard to locate. Moving freely from one side of his condo to the next. It's probably bigger than it looks from the outside. It must be nice to live rent free and all expenses paid. Today 141 heart beats per minute. He must really be into cardio. And believe me, I could feel every little movement. He's growing steadily according to the doctor. Who was just like every other physician or aid that's seen me proclaimes at my small stomach "This a cute lil stomach!" Yuppers...lil man chose a nice place.  I'm just hoping for the delivery of a healthy baby and I'm so looking forward to meeting this free spirit he seems to possess so much of already.

Welcome to the 3rd and final Trimester.

for awhile I got a man to stick it out and make a home from a rented house

For what its worth...
What happens when something becomes completly devaluated?
When its appreciation is totally depreciated.
Then you can no longer see what once made you smile.
Now the evidence of imprefection clearly lys before my eyes.
A walking demonstration of the best lies I'd ever hear.

"What if you wasted love and our love in time disappeared, And the perfect song ends up being the last song you'll ever hear"

-Rihanna

truth is everyone will hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for

Every vengeful person pleads ' I hope it was worth it'. Frankly, I don't care if it was or not. I'm not vengeful nor spiteful. That fact that you risked what we had or could have had for something else means it must have been and it if it turns out not to be well I'm sure you'll get it right the next time around. I don't know what hurts more actually being right after all this time or wrongfully believing every lie. I guess that's the heart instead of the head. Maybe I'll become logically minded like you and one day I'll be sitting blissfully as you are holding someone's heart. I've never heard the words 'I love you' more idly tossed about in my life and its so surreal to feel the emptiness in every kiss. For the first time I  can no longer admit that I miss this. The truth is etched in my subconscious and I remember your contentment in all of this. The only deserving apology is to my unforgiving heart that I allowed to be decieved because my mind didn't perceive reality . I'm sorry for if I'd know that it wasn't worth it I would have never let you ventured there. So for wherever the pieces of my heart may have fallen, after you've found yourself come back to me whole-heartedly and I promise the next time we'll give so much more than we get like we always have its clear I just haven't met the one yet.

"You were always hard to hold , so letting go ain't easy, I'm hanging on but growing cold"

-Lifehouse

the most important thing in illness is to never lose HEART

Play your Part. Become Apart.

When I was about 14 years old I lost one of my most favorite people in the world to Aids. My cousin just two years younger than I was born with it and I don't think he ever knew. I remember going by their house everyday after school in junior high and on weekends. His presence holds some of the best memories of my childhood. I dread the memory of slowly watching this disease take-over his young body and my once vibrant and out-spoken love became this frail hardly recognizable person that later became hospitalized and in the end the last time I saw him I kissed his cheek told him how much I missed and loved him and that I'd see him soon. And to this day I still know it's true...see you soon cuz.  Gone but never forgotten.

Prejudice is the child of ignorance. 

 William Hazlitt

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little – do what you can.

 Sydney Smith

there I just said it I'm scared you'll forget about me

It's impossible for me to ever not remember you

Here's the thing
With me you've secured you're bed
No other will ly their head
My heart still beats
Only to feel yours here
It gets harder as the time passes
And for us there is no resolution
Besides to not give up
If you'd allow love to just give in

Opening my eyes to you every morning
Was like the feeling of a new beat in my heart
Nothing like I'd been accustomed to
Because loving you always made my spirits anew
Morning devotions helped shape a better  us
Witness to the man God needed you to be
And ultimatley the one he kept for me

I need my husband, friend and lover near
This distance hurts and tears
Causing my heart to swell
I wonder now if another is getting
All that you're worth
Maybe now I'm fading into the distance
Is this the case
I wish then I could love in reverse
And let go like the many times you rehearsed
Yet I plead my case
I'll love you forever
For better or worse

look after my heart I've left it with you

I frequent this site on occasion just to see a male's prospective on popular issues amongst other attractions. And it's utterly enteratining I must admit. I'm sure the creators of http://www.askmen.com/ knew that curious ladies like myself would venture. They are most accomodating. Well I saw this article and found it rather fitting with the 'New Moon' premiere in theatres today. It's a little 'FYI' for the guys.....I think it's cute.

Be More Like Edward - http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_300/368_be-more-like-edward.html

so eager for eternal damnation

Me: Ugh! It's only Wednesday. The week seems not to be moving at all.

Kenny: Because you're so eager for that Cullen boy.Lol.

Me: Lmao...true story.

I intend to be a most unbiased critic after I've seen this film based on the book and the preceding Twilight movie.

Today

you're overestimating my self-control

1 Day

I've kept my heart under control but lately all this time has taken its toll

I still see your jacket hanging on the door, never let anybody put one there before.
I'm going to hold on, because I don't want to move on. You came along and I didn't know that of love but now I know that sometimes it's just not enough.

I don't want to see you anymore,
I'm just not that strong.
I love it when you're here,
but I`m better when you're gone.

better off single moms

I cannot change who I love

But I can change my attitude
I cannot change my past

But I can work for a better future

I must pick my battles
I cannot make up
For the imperfect life we had

And I should never try

I should only focus on the positive

And I'll teach my child to do the same

I cannot do anything except my best

I can for myself and my son.

I'd like to meet somone who REALLY understands, who listens and hears. Then HIS voice said" I'm always here."

-Whisical Thoughts

reassure my heart somehow that the love that I feel is so much more real than anything

tried to break my heart...

well it's broke.

tried to hang me high...

well I'm choked.

wanted it to rain on me...

well I'm soaked.

It's the end where I begin.

so the lion fell in love with the lamb

I cannot begin to explain my excitement about this movie. November 20th...is the movie premiere date. I'm currently reading the New Moon novel and I can't remember ever being this engrossed in a book well since Twilight though I've seen the movie a thousand times. There's something far more superb about your own imagination. Well in the meantime I revel in the intimate conversations of Edward and Bella. And if it were possible Edwards' words are even more captivating and passionate. I guess that's what it takes to emphasis true love...to believe you've lost it and have it returned to you. So true.

If you've been under a rock for the past year or so during the Twilight frenzy. Here's a synopsis of what the New Moon title is about. The author Stephanie Meyer appropriately titled the book based on the fact of the coming of the 'New Moon' one of the darkest phases of the Lunar Cycle. And this is exactly the forshadowment of Edward and Bella's relationship. New Moon introduces Bella to her 18th birthday celebration at the Cullen's house where she accidentally receives a paper cut and Jasper, Edward's foster brother the newest vegan uncontrollably lunges at her and Edward must intervene to protect her. It is soon after he vows to no longer endanger her life. So he convinces her he doesn't love her and that they must not see each other too that he and his family are moving away. A depressed and broken-hearted Bella is left in a zombie like state where she discovers dangerous thrills allow Edward's voice to become her subconscious mind. In this state of mind she develops an even closer relationship with her old friend Jacob who helps her find thrills in motorcycle riding amongst other activities. Here also she discovers Jacob is a werewolf but he now vows to protect her and never to allow her to fall in love with him and leave like Edward did.

The story then proceeds to grow that more interesting by the presence of Laurent and Victoria who seek revenge for the death of James by the hands of Edward. They prey on Bella who is now guarded by Jacob. However, later news gets back to Edward and he believes that Bella has met the fate of death. Heart-broken and guilt ridden he makes his way to Italy to face his own death by the hands of the vampire royalty Volturi. Bella hears of the miscommunication that Edward has received and her and Alice must now race to Italy to stop Edward before he makes a grave mistake. There Bella is faced with the ultimatum from the Volturi of being turned into a vampire or being killed for being a human with far too much information about vampires.

Thereafter, they all return to Forks where Edward explains that he only left to protect her and he's always loved her and knows no other way to exist without her. She forgives him and it is favored that Bella becomes a vampire despite Edward's dismay but either after graduation or allow Edward to do it himself after they are married. New Moon is full of action and mostly focuses on the werewolves but it promises to live up to the Twilight expectancy or even be that much greater. You be the judge.

I thought I'd share some of my fav. Edward Cullen quotes from the New Moon novel:

- Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all how much I love you?

- I'll earn your trust back somehow. It's my final act.

- As if there were anyway that I could exist without needing you.

- Your hold is permanent and unbreakable never doubt that.

- You're the only one who has ever touched my heart it will always be yours.

- After all the thousands of times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?

- You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world.

- Only you could be more important than what I wanted, what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I’ll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay, thank heaven for that.

-If there was only some way to make you see I can't leave you. Time, I suppose will be the way to convince you.

- I thought I explained it clearly before, I cannot live in a world where you don't exist

There's so much more...but I must stop myself.

when we meet again I'll be standing in the rain

There the raindrops will hide the evidence
Of tears fallen from losing you
I needed you really bad
And I thought maybe
I could just love you so much more this time

I promised that I wouldn't shout

Pout or single all the bad moves out
Then you'd see how much I wanted you
The way I thought you needed me too

But it was like trying to move a car
Driving with the tires all gone
I still can't believe you so quickly
Gave yourself away
Allowed my Superman to go astray

I can't imagine you kissing anothers lip
It hurts the most to know

You willingly did all this
And now you crave more options
I can never be it

Maybe we're not suppose to ever really understand

This is the cross meant to bare

Just when I was finally getting use

To the tears

And you not being here
You got me believing again
In all you knew no longer existed

I just need now to believe

In something in the distance

That's worth more than just missing

I don't want to crave your re-used lips

And rehearsed kisses

It's probably best we not do this

There's only your twisted logic to credit

For the millionth time you reconsidered

And me you chose to dismiss

I stood here in the pouring rain

Because you needed to know

And I just still couldn't let the teardrops show

Everyday I die a little less inside

And now we can both stop wondering why

God didn't allow us a millionth and one try

For awhile we were both just characters

In a broken hearted book

And someday some lovestruck teenager

Will be touched to by this

And hopefully they'll see

That not all love

Is truly meant to be

something beautiful came from loving you

I'm excited beyond measure at this process
The development of a beautiful soul
That is myself
And for the one that lives within me
Each day I'm anxious for
This process to be complete

Stability became unnerved at the thought
Of an incomplete love that abandoned us here
But the promise of a never-failing love
Has become a consoling presence
And everyday I love each of you more

Yet I'm asking God to take his time with me
So that when we finally met
I can be so much more than he needs
And expects me to be

But I'd like to see his doting face
And touch his moppet hands and feet
As he sleeps with the peace
That only the love of his heavenly father can bring
I don't wish these days to move swiftly then
I'd like to cherish each one
Before his innocence is undone

And as the measure of a beautiful soul
Continues to grow
And you allow each to encounter the evident evidence of love
That is so unselfishly shown
I'll continue to praise you unconditionally
And ever so faithfully
For the beauty you've bestowed in loving you

"Brought together by a now estranged love we wait in these moments stunned with beauty, everyday we grow that much closer in love with each other"

-Me

waiting for the wonderful again

Some say love hurts but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Loosing someone you love hurts. Betrayal hurts. Thing is people confuse these things with love, but in reality, Love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.

since me you never believed

I want to be like you
And quickly not care about us too
I want to be cruel
And say all the harsh words you said
All the ones that forced the tears I withheld

I want to be like you
And be flirtatious too
I want to be able to believe
That after almost a year
Of all the love shared
I couldn't be more happier without you there

I want to be like you
And have all these ready-made plans too
Of a life without you included
Where I can freely dream of another love
That could of long ago been the one
Instead of being lied to
And all the while having reality misconstrued
Because it was really always about you

I want to be like you
And not think about you obsessively
Anxious to chat online and text message potentials too
Ready and willing to date for new love
As though I knew long ago you weren't the one
I wish you'd told me
Instead of allowing me to fall for you
So used and bruised

Nevertheless I am not like you
I will never not care about us
I cannot pretend that I'm happy you aren't here
There is no other I dream of
Though I plan I still think about you
I don't crave the comfort of strangers
Or the many that have waited with personal agendas
I'd never intentionally hurt you
I would have told you not to fall
Because I wouldn't catch you there

I never want to be like you
I'll cherish the moments
And I'll remember all
You've surely forgotten
I clearly get it
You're gone
And we've both done our wrongs
For now I close my eyes
And dream while I can
Someday the one will come

said hello the same way we said good-bye last night

I believed in our love

I still can't believe you disagree repeatedly

This is your good-bye

Surely time will loose these memories

And I'll find that there's something else to believe in.

"I still love the feeling I get from you, I hope you'll never stop because it gets me through."

-Ozzy Osbourne

Because that day became real today

One day you'll ask "Where's my father?" And with a heart still filled with so much love, I'll hold you tight and say "He lives in heaven and we're preparing to meet him someday."

maybe it wasn't love yet I want to believe, still karma schooled me foolish

All I can taste is you
Leaving the bitter absense of love
When everything's made to be broken
I just need to get through the pain
Of trying to be fixed by you.

the unconquerable heart

Can you send the one for me
That won't leave inevitably
Someone who can forever care about me whole-heartedly
Swiftly let love recover
Like the earth's deepest crater discovered.

I've never enjoyed the melancholy transition between lovers
All the restless nights of memories
I wish I could chase away with straight vodka shots
If only they'd stay far enough
That the teardrops stopped.

Love promised me that he'd be the final kiss
Comfort to the unconquerable heart
But I was taken from the closing act
Dismissed he said "I don't care anymore".
I became the fool fallen in love
Believing and wanting it all
Too good to be true was
Silly beating heart I want what you promised back.

Love missed the fine print

'Fragile - contents are breakable'
And with a lifetime warranty just below
It read "I'll love you always"

I needed you to know.



"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one for me."

-James Blunt

Nothing left but Love

If God came down and granted me one wish, I would wish to find happiness and hold on to it forever and be able to take it with me even after my dying days. Nothing ever amounts to the joy that I feel when I am happy. I would give everything in a second for the only thing in life that truly matters to me.....Love. People tend to throw that word around loosely and amidst all the hustles and bustles of life....we forget how beautiful love really is. Life is not worth living without love and happiness. Love heals all. Love is a mysterious and powerful force that is the key to all that is...and all that ever was. I have a heart inside of me that is ready to explode. I am a hopeless romantic and all I want to do is fall in love, and be in love with my soulmate for the rest of my dying days. I was given one life to live and that is exactly what I plan on doing......living my life to the fullest! Filling it with positive things and doing my best to love those who love me and those who are lost and broken as most of us are at some point. There is always enough room for love and hope in everyone's life. You just have to have faith that it is there........you don't have to search for love when love has always been searching for you all this time.

SweetSorrow

Time will bring the real end of trial

One day there will be no remenants

No trace, no residual feelings within you

One day you won't remember me

Your face will be the reason I smile

But I will not see what I cannot have forever

I'll always love you

I hope you feel the same

Oh, you played me dirty, your game so bad

You toyed with my afflication, had to fill out my presciption

Found the remedy, I had to set you free

Away from me to see clearly

The way that love can be when you are not with me

I had to leave, I had to live

I had to leave, I had to live

If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty

wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, pretty wings around

I came wrong, you were right

Transformed your love into like

Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night, sleep til I die a thousand times

I should have showed you better nights

better times, better days

I miss you more and more

If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty

wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, pretty wings

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

my kryptonite

It's bogus when someone gives you advice from a prospective they can't even begin to understand. What the hell does it benefit to say 'Cut your losses, there's more fish in the sea." I actually feel better because of that shitty one liner not that it helped any. Well today it's weakened again. And it's not just about how I feel though I've always know this. There were once two but time as come and gone and I now stand alone. Still not bitter just waiting to be understood. I'm beginning to learn that no matter how hard you push if you're doing the duty of two alone it just won't work. I always knew a broken bond was one of the hardest things in the world to get back. But I had come to see even worse situations made amends and thrived. However you would have to factor the individuals involved. Most people know their breaking point. What they will allow and to what extent until ultimately enough is enough. I guess more often than not I've been that person to push the boundaries and back what I wanted into a corner even if not intentionally it happened. You never know how things will end but it's amazing how we're always so star-struck with the beginnings that even if you could see the end product and it maybe didn't look so favorable some would still thread along. Love is irrational and illogical. That was seen from the beginning so why would we have believed what we wanted like the end would be any different than the beginning. Love is hopeful and passionate. You move forward with the belief in its beauty and finding meaning and cause in what cannot be labelled. You hold out for the unseen and develop strength and attachment to appreciate even the irrationalities of it all.

Everyone who has truly loved can define the infinite definitions of love in themselves at any point in time. I can attest to the fact and must say though I believe myself to be an advocate of love I'm not always the best example but of course not. I would hope no one expected me to be. I've come to a recent realization in myself that as freely as I ask love to come in and its face maybe seen in countless forms from whomever I usually have my guard up and I'm likely not the one to be hurt in the end. Don't get me wrong I've had my share of heartbreak. I now know that I put up this wall not to keep others out quite the contrary but to see who loves me enough to climb over it. I know I'm not easy to love nor am I a quick forgive but I now believe that when you love someone enough is never enough. I think that I've always been this individual embracing matters of the heart with my heart even if my head didn't agree. So I can safely say I've never fallen out of love rather I matured and knew when it was time to say good-bye. Some people believe that true love never dies, and I too believe it doesn't but rather its reciprocated by another. Once your heart has been opened to love I believe that it will always find its way through any amount of hurt and pain. Maybe not right away, tomorrow or today but someday. Love still waits.

"But I wish you the best...I guess."

-John Legend

ode to love

I don't even know where to start. But I guess I'll say what's for certain and never-changing in spite of and no matter what with tears in my eyes and the perpetual tugging in my chest is that 'I love you'. I know you've heard me say it many times before and I still don't think you really believe or feel me. This love I have for you never have I given another. You have been an unimaginable happiness in my life and now I only see you grieve and it hurts to no relief that I cannot be what you are to me when all I want to be is all that you'll ever need. You believed at some point that I was the one he kept for you but now your heart's crying out and it's not for me. It can't be when I'm ever near you miss the real in me repeatedly. My heart feels for you but your words you hold sincere they aren't clear they wound and purge lingering tears. This cannot be when I just want to be yours to have and to hold only you dear to listen and caress all the words the ones I knew that were always sincere. When tears were that of happiness these days no longer exist and you I constantly miss. I'm in love with the man that loved me back flaws in all and helped me to be the best me. Now your unconscious words are left straining at my anxious heart that won't let go but I'm holding onto to faint memories where this man left me. You are no longer here and I close my eyes and sleep hoping that when I awake maybe this time his love would come back to me. I stare awhile and miss the forever in your eyes this love has been chased. I ly in this restless slumber where another may rest her head someday and you will be her bed. You will tell the words I still hear about how much you care and all the love you have that will forever be there. I wonder will you remember me. Will I be just another dismissed memory the past left to pass. These thoughts hurt so much but I need you near.

You are my love. Though this land is barren I stay steadfast to the belief in the beauty that is to come. I've never been here before. This is my first encounter of true love. You've said that I don't know what love is. I always baffle in this consequential statement. I may have been many things when we met but like no time before have I ever been this. So maddening and captivated with someone that even in the depth of despair care didn't linger there. I was certain of trials that were to come but even though it would seem like I turned and walked away. I still wait in reprieve for this love to heal. I cannot forget the first time I saw your face and my heart took its place. I cannot forget willingly making myself this vulnerable vessel that I am now open to every chastisement and criticism because I withheld nothing when maybe I should have. Yet I apologize for the pain the many unnecessary honesties have caused but for this you that this love genuinely produced I hold none in regret. To you my heart repeatedly calls I can no longer fall I am forever unbeautifully yours I will be loves constant cause because I need you like no other before. My forever doesn't exist if it's not with you. No one can ever love me like you do. It hurts to love like this for the first time but I cannot fail you are my Mr. I am your Mrs. I've seen the beauty manifested through you and I where love took us to blissful heights together but for now we linger in valleys of emotional peaks where I believe love's left us to metamorphose into something ever more beautifully. And if even you still doubt if love ever enough recollect to the first encounter of the illogical that became plausible because of two distant strangers that met when everyone else slept reasoning with unknown magnetic attractions which was enough to uncover diamonds in the rough.

"You take me to another place there's no more war, just love and grace. Baby you've restored my faith. I know the struggles not in vain."

-John Legend

had to be the time

Is your heart for me
Can it really still be
This heart of mine won't let go
You are all of me
Embracing you I miss feeling
Our two hearts beating
Fingers tracing all forbidden places
Your heart cries out.

this is going to bring me to my knees...this is going to take the heart right out of me

You let go

So I let go too

Don't want to miss your face

Erasing you is a must

This love was never enough

I have to find peace of mind

It's going to take some energy

Trapped in my memories

Don't be mad at me

I'm not the me I use to be

Everyday is another chance

Til it's beautiful

Love is always possible

never thought that I'd fall for you as hard as I did

There's so much to say

But the words
They never come out that way
And I can never stop
For you I'll always answer the call
You still consume my heart
This I cannot easily dismiss
I'll be there for each kiss
Damaging but promised to no other

You I'm constantly needing
I know I must get through this

I awake to the comfort in your face
Immediately drawn to be closer
I want to be wrapped up in you
Lovers under the covers
No care
Never to mind
Then just as instantly as you intoxicate me
I'm reminded of the current circumstance
If only now love could take
Us back in time
We'd see reflections maybe could understand

I cannot resist you
Nor do I want
But after this ecstasy
You leave my heart even more torn
This needing is too weakening
Got it bad
I have to break this bad habit
Can't take this no more

i decided long ago to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear

So there are some individuals who believe that I think that I'm better than other people and that I'm stuck up because of reasons I don't even care to mention. That being said if you and/or other parties involved are bothered by my confidence you may want to check your own level of self-esteem. I mean saying unnecessary and untrue shit about others who don't even know that you exist is really shallow. Some people should really find better pastimes. I really could give a shit less what you think of me. Obviously you watching my life signifies the lack of depth thereof in your own. I rep 'Rich Girls' but in that regard it doesn't relate directly to money itself. I'm rich in love, beauty, intelligence, independence, realness, and talent. And if you disagree, prove yourself wrong but first of all stop going around saying 'you know me'! I'm not here to impress you. Better yet stay watching my continual rise from that pathetic level below you at.

"You cannot hate other people without hating yourself"

-Oprah

if the Lord asked me what I did with my life I would say I spent it with you

This time it really hurts.
I'm afraid if manifested into words.
It will make it all to real.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
If each kiss and the missing.
Would release the longing .
Maybe then  I could feel it.
Only he benefits from this temporary fix.
Now my dreams are evaded with the potentials.
That may have always existed.
Just now they're next on his list.
I'm drifting away.
Love would have hurt to make me stay.

yet you still want to be the one

I don't want you anymore.
But I need you around.
I see the way you hurt people.
I don't want you to hurt me like that again.
No one walks away from you.
And I know why I can't.
You're real and I like that.
I've got to be that someone you're with.


-HisRealityCheck

heartache and cigarette sticks

I don't think my mom is too thrilled about this....

and I hate it thought we could make it

Irony of practicing patience
Surrounded by the elements
Of certain elimination
Repetitive phrases of significance
To the end
Still won't reconcile any differences
Not being ready to let go
Doesn't mean that you won't eventually
I'm sleeping with the enemy

And he's quick to re-route
Weeding and picking
Singling all the bad out
Questioned is there someone else
Alas we wrestle the restless
When the roles have similarly been replaced
Fingers constantly away at the mobile
It makes no sense if I'm around
Me you never address
You're livid and I don't know this man

Creating someone I'm not
I can not express this love
Without ridicule and strain
When the once two-way street
Reads signs of detour
And cause of alarm
Do not enter
Or at your own risk
I never knew love's frigid list
This heart won't wallow in this
I'll undoubtedly be dismissed

heavens gates won't open for me please come I'm calling

No matter how hard wished

We can never go back

To the first moment our eyes unlocked

The coyly fervent blush

Of unknown admirers

That welcomed the smiles

Of inviting strangers

We can no longer revisit this

There won't be a chance to savor

The magnetic pull of our first kiss

For us there is no longing anymore

We've become loves porcelain dolls

Sitting with fixated faces

Staring at the living room floor

This space that was once my place

I am no more accustomed to

Lingering hours have become maddening

If only the limited words reflected in speech

Could take us to the love once praised

Maybe one day we'll find our way

If not now its never

Forever will only be possible together

Reincarnated in another lifetime

Your love I never want to give to any other

Yet your damning words hover

You've placed our love undercover

I try to resist the anxious feeling

And lean towards prevailed healing

But those reviled phrases aren't fleeting

Recovered lovers

Or ghosts of lovers past

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... Life's a prison when you're in love alone ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

probably because there's only half worth telling

Never expected to delay this way
I'm stationary awaiting
His consequential hesitation
In his eyes I'm lies
And my words hold the least regard
Love would have heard me
It would have cradled
And craved me
Never wanting to derail
What was truly meant to be

Time to dismiss all the kisses
Detox before this heart starts the missing
Washed memories cause these eyes to swell
Tears that never even had a chance
Discriminatly viewed not to have fallen genuinely
Never had you loved alone
Truly would have been mines forever spooned
I wasn't afforded the right
Of being fairly viewed
This love was featly misconstrued

There's no denying
The misery of these hearts
One pushing the other pulling
Forced to co-exist on unleveled grounds
You can feel the space beneath our feet
I'm falling away and all I see is you
No use in hopelessly wishing
Regress to places before we were unwell
What once felt so real and true
Exhales collapsing on its dying breath
Deaf apologies regret

someone take her picture (click,click)

Come, come summertime

Love, love hold my hand

Come, come summertime

Love, love take a ride with me

♥so cute...

Cinco de Mayo

22 years ago to this date I was born. Making me way cooler than you!!! haha. My star sign is "TAURUS" and one week ago exactly I got the Taurus sign tattooed behind my right ear. I love it. I am so true to my sign...well at least for the most part...hmm. We Taurus adore comfort and enjoy being surrounded by pleasing and soothing things..oh so true. I enjoy being around people I genuinely care about and I feel care for me. The beach would have to be my ultimate place of pleasure and relaxation besides being with my man. The outdoors for me is serene and soothing like I belong to my surroundings. The enjoyment of good food and a comfortable setting like a nice resturant is always welcoming but this at home doesn't compare to the feel of being in your own space. Taurus is a very sensual sign and we love giving and recieving this pleasure in all its forms from indulgence of sweets to fragrances to love-making. On the other had we're stubborn, possessive and impatient but this can be viewed as a persistent nature to always achieve what we want. I know I for one can admit that I am much too often each and not the best of the Taurus trait itself but of course something that can be worked on. Nonetheless Taurus's are the most kind, loyal, reliable, determined, loving and generous people you will ever met.

More about the Taurus -----> http://horoscopes.lovetoknow.com/Taurus_Personality_Traits

I'm excited because I've been blessed with another year of life. There have been many close to my heart that have gone in recent months. I miss those family members dearly and because of this I don't take life for granted. There are no great big plans as of now. But I am exactly where I want to be with the love of my life and spending quality time with the little one who I'm very happy is with us today. She is amazing just like her dad. So full of life and every smile so genuine and glowing just like her eyes. I love her eyes for some reason, so innocent and bright. They really are great at this age. And the way he looks at her I see the same glow in his eyes. Today is a beautiful day. Happy B-Day to me and all the other Cinco de Mayo babes out there!!Enjoy!!

til its beautiful

I'd like to believe that I'm a meaningful person. Living life with a reasoning for most actions because they meant something to me if even in the smallest capacity or if even it was totally BS when it all comes down to it it's because I wanted to by choice. I've repeatedly attested to my man being responsible for great change in my life like no other "God-sent" and I still feel this way. When we first met he introduced me to a song by Robin Thicke called 'Superman'. My man totally sang the praises of this song...I had to hear. And after I totally understood why he felt like it meant so much more to him after he met me and then now why it means so much to me because of him. My interpretation of the song stems initially from the title 'Superman', everyone knows Superman as a hero and his love the distressed Louis Lane. Well the song is a depiction of just that for the most part. An individual who feels like the average Clarke Kent so to speak aiming for the unattainable but yet still falling short to a mediocre existence. Until the encounter of someone with a Louis Lane type persona. They both have what the other needs but ultimately the same goal is the happiness and worth found being in love. Superman feels like a hero because of Louis Lane and she feels like his flight because he takes her to places she's never experienced saving her in every way possible a person can be saved. The song goes on to elaborate on this when you need someone for all those moments where some may feel when you're at your worst you'd be left alone just as Louis Lane at all the worst times she needed Superman...well this 'Superman' vows to be there in spite of it all 'til its beautiful'. The repetitive catch phrase of the song which would have been an appropriate title but the genius of it all was woven together in one word 'Superman'. And because of this vow to stay committed these two individuals are changed for the better and everyone who they come in contact with can see it in a positive light. In a nutshell it's the belief in love, the hope that there will always be someone to reciprocate this. Even in the darkest of times when you may very well be alone, you're holding on because you know something beautiful will become of it all.



I got my first tattoo...about 2 years ago I think. I can't quite remember but surprisingly it wasn't such a bad experience. I've always been fascinated with them and promised I would get more. Once I decided what I wanted. My first was a heart surrounded by wings that I decided on because to me it means to 'Love freely without reservation'.



Now for what all the explanation of the Robin Thicke song was about. I decided on my forth tattoo a few weeks ago. I would get the words 'til its beautiful' for all the reason inspired bythe song, experiences and my man that are all personal to me. I got it this past weekend and I could not be happier. I look at this everyday in a very visible place and I love it the more because of a depth of meaning behind the words.

trivial

you'll have dry eyes after some time

I'd stay in bed at dawn each morn
And let the pain
Overtake the waken me
I'd lay in silence
Wondering why we just couldn't try
It's hard to lean on beliefs
That everything for a reason
And to each in it's season
When the object of one's affection
Has become the repelling lesson

"I don't understand a God who would let us meet if we couldn't be together"

-City of Angels

the best love awakens the soul and makes you reach for more

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory

Cause I put too much energy in him and me

Can't wait til I get throught this phase cause it's killing me

Too bad we can't rewrite our own history

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it suppose to be

When I opened my eyes

I could see you draining out of me

Hurting and pulling

And for a moment

I wished I were still dreaming

But it's true here's no fairytale ending

if you believe in love at first sight you never stop looking

He smiled this way today
Cheeky faces meet
His sublime pleasantry
Disarmed the aching me
He came over weightless
As though he never even touched the ground
Then he whispered
And out came sounds of serenity
With the face of an angel
Divinity spoke
He said
Hello stranger I dreamed of you last night

"I'll be waiting....waiting for you to leave me"

love without moderation

the time that moves too fast

the love that's become the past

when he says he'll leave you never

even harder after he's gone forever

the love that went away

...she told him that the poetry would always remain, she would tattoo it on her soul and recite it at the dawn of mornings to remember each day that she was loved...

...she told him that he was the wind that set her ship a sail in the sweet summer breeze and in summer he could always come to the shores where he'd find her waiting...

...she told him how the rain crept on her face and each drop reminded her of each kiss, that rainy days would always be her favorite because she'd dance with him in a thousand kisses..

...she told him she'd never forget the way he said her name, how each time it flowed so gently from his lips, how each night she'd fall asleep with his whisper to her ears bringing his awaken memory to the slumber of her dreams...

..she told him that she'd love him always, the lover she'd endlessly remember, her forever love she'd miss a lifetime, even though he went away leaving his greatest love behind...

had we never met or never parted never been broken-hearted

And though the pieces
Haven't quite fallen away
I still miss and press replay
Remembering you
In all your uncanny ways
Even now your redolence resides
I try not to dwell here
But I linger awhile
Somehow these moments
Yet cause a smile

I was changed by you
Made to exist and resist
As much as I pushed
Never once a hit and miss
This here I'll always remember
Started the moment you embraced me
Saved by the promise to
Always remain the same
And refrain from past love's reins

I never expected you to be the one
Who'd abandon unannounced
I can hide the hurt and pain
But not love that's gone to waste
Seems hypocritical yet I chase the haste
Not to start over in reverse

"In secret we met in silence I grieve that this heart could forget loves reprieve"

for some moments in life there are no need for words

blood rush to my head

Breathe.
Now this is totally fine considering the circumstances.
Those were some major moments of weakness.
I guess everyone's allowed to at least once.
From forever to never.
Sincere dismissals.
Breathe.
I know tears on my pillow.
But it was really pathetic on the floor.
Talk about the melodramatics.
Breathe.
The feeling indescribable.
Whisk away quickly the memory.
That I keep hearing.
Too much of a good thing isn't good.
Even the sun burns after a while.
Time swells.
Breathe.
Nonetheless it was a nice adrenaline release.
Until next time or not.
Breathe.
From my heart to yours.

sober thoughts

"I'd rather go blind than see you walk away from me"

-Etta James

Put me back on your wishlist.
Let's start working on a first second kiss.
I'm yearning for those arms.
That hold the right fit.
Feigning for that connection.
No other love permits.

These erratic behaviours.
Plague my mind.
I won't sleep through this.
But if we must.
Give me a resolution to finish with.

Don't rely on words we've played.
They wound the worse.
In the most familar ways.
Caressed expressions only cause regress.
Silent acceptance resounds.
I'll turn away blind.