slowy madly deeply

That's the way my love's for you
Though we sometimes
Wish things differently
This hearts' mastered the art
Much more than perfectly

I'll say the things that need to be heard
And I promise I'll listen when its your turn
But my heart you
May no longer lure
To disgrace and betray

It's been tried
And continually
Proven true
Only to you

This is a final chance
To prove yours can be too
Let's try
Slowly, madly, deeply
Love its me and you

the wickedest lesson in history

Still no difference nor new moves made
When left to your own devices
You are the same
Untamed and mesmerized by the game

When your attempt at resolution
Is forgotten as you drift asleep
You're never meaningful
When you speak to me

I hope this you
Will be one you never regret
As for me
I'm not afraid anymore
There is no mistake
For what God allows undone

I am my own life's lesson
As you are continually drawn
To the virtual comforts of others
That you'll surely manifest into flesh
I must find resolution
And soothing elsewhere

I remember a time before
You told that even in the end
Still you wouldn't want to let go
This resonates aloud
Maybe your end for us was long ago

My dreams are haunted by your favorite girls
And there your arms arch her back
Your fingers caress her curves
Night after night you are hers

I awake with tears
Drowning in a past love
Swiftly Lord order my steps
No one deserves a love like this

down but not out

I've always embraced the statement 'to err is human and to forgive is divine', this I really always believed. Though sometimes people don't deserve forgiveness they're afforded it nonetheless. Yet some people don't deserve forgiveness because there is no true remorse for their wrong-doings. I guess the best example would be to persons who are imprisoned and have out-right admitted to the crimes but are not convicted within themselves. Many convicted felons would say they aren't sorry for the crime they committed. However I am speaking from the stand point of relationships and forgiveness therein. Relationships seem to be one of the biggest fails of mankind. From the creation of Adam and Eve, relationships were misunderstood. Adam and Eve failed one another and most of all God, but there was no forgiveness there. God removed them immediately from the Garden of Eden which he promised because of disobedience and in turn all mankind suffered in sin. Sometimes there is no room for forgiveness. Some may rule, that God later sent grace and forgiveness through his Son and the Holy Spirit but the wrong-doing of Adam and Eve's sin could never be over-shadowed mankind is a bondage of strong holds.

I've been the forgiver and most definately the forgiven in my own personal relationships. I can admit to some of my own that is certain but honestly apologies are worthless if the actions that follow are not sincere. I know its a big assumption to say that most apologies aren't sincere but I really believe they aren't especially in relationships. People are always aware of their actions and can identify with how they would react if the tables were turned so to speak. I understand that some things happen without real thought of consequence. We make mistakes because of our own human natures but it is unfair to say "I'm only human". You're right but so is the other 2.5+ billion people on planet earth, thus your argument is over-ruled. I believe that in relationships people chose to manipulate each others emotions by abusing each others weaknesses and care for the other. Which just goes to show the sincerity was never there to begin with especially where remorse should now be present. I believe if you are given a chance to make things right after mistake and you follow along that same path ultimately the action will be repeated or will become worse. I've been guilty of such many times but I've grown much and now I feel I'm at a point in life where I'd appreciate true genuineness and sincerity without agenda a love that has my best interest at heart.

Some people believe that humans are actually good at heart and then there is the other side that believe human beings are creatures of betrayal and opportunity. I am the difference I believe human beings are both it's just by choice what you allow yourself to become despite background, circumstance or experience in the end inevitably you make the choice of who you allow yourself to become. I promised myself along time ago that no matter the experiences I am afforded I will never become a bitter person. I still believe in a heart of love and faithfulness. I know it's real that you can feel your heart not beat as strong as it once did, you can sit and feel a broken heart in your chest, you can ly down and not sleep because of the hurt and pain your heart can experience but one day it gets better. I'm looking forward to a future that holds no comparison to my past.  I want to forget all the memories of my past and be made anew. I look forward to this end of a new beginning. I remember feelings this way before and honestly it seemed perfect when I thought the time had come. I've now learned that if  it looks to good to be true it probably is. Rear cases you know. Have you ever noticed if something is of true value or rareness it can be identified and appraised right away? So if you are that rare exception there will be no need for doubt. Next time around in that bliss, when I skip I'll look back to see the step I've missed. Sometimes in order to move forward we must look back and make mention of what we may have over-looked the first time around. Move forward stronger and wiser than ever before.

someone will love me this way

Without him, tomorrow wouldn't be worth the wait ; Yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering. No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside

something you broke

"If you had help fixing something you broke

Wouldn't you still try your best to fix it?

I believe that it would show true sincerity

Over what was broken

The attempt to regain what was lost

Would be valiant if you really cared

An open reassurance of heart would be there

No room for question would ever need arise."

After all the lies
And forced tears
I was my own personal witness
To your confessing love for another
I still believed in your adjusted truth

After all the lies
And forced tears
Everytime you waited until I left
To admire and dote on Facebook and Messenger
Always for another
I still believed that I this time I could be enough

After all the lies
And forced tears
For every love letter pleading your case
Of your true love for another
Me you wrote no longer
I still believed you held some sincerity for me

After all the lies
And forced tears
When you accused me of infidelities
I didn't commit
All of which you used as fuel and reason
To presue and bed others
I still believed love could be healed

After all the lies
And forced tears
You still rejected all arguments
And repeated all the same treads
The worst of all humiliation damning my unborn
I still believed the unspoken apologies

After all the lies
And forced tears
You said you wanted to really be there
But actions drowned out the words
Late parties and club hopping 
All the repeated signs you wanted to be elsewhere
I still believed even when you weren't there

After all the lies
And forced tears
Then you pretended like you were the one in need of care
Played me like a fool
Used and trashed me
All for the others
Back to a true more comfortable you
Apologetic when caught
Only sorry you were found out

After all the lies
And forced care
You still aren't sincere
Continuous moves with the venom of a serpent
And slumber like a fugitive on the run
There are no actions nor words of true love
Or future commitments of 'I do'
I believe you left your heart in another's bed

daddy of two, father of one

He's sorry he couldn't be your first born
Or that you weren't there
When he cried his first tear
He's sorry you won't wipe his eyes
Because him you never hear

He's sorry his eyes aren't as bright
And he doesn't know the words
To make you smile outright
And hold him dear

He's sorry that you're not concerned
Whether he's livid or his bladder has turned
You won't feed him unless
He wails uncontrollably and yearns
Your arms don't comfort nor soothe his fears
He feels how it's cold
And the absence of love and sincerity there

He's sorry you don't take a thousand kodak pictures
And show how proud you are to the world
There are no dedicated portriats for him
Or the promised tattoo
As if you ever really cared

He's sorry he was planned
Then just as quickly unwanted
Aborted mentally and emotionally by you

Despite it all you need not apologize
Because this man will never understand
He loves' only big enough for one another

I'm sorry that he'll never see
The way your smile lights up the room
Or ever care enough to watch how peacefully you sleep
No matter never to mind
You are my heart promised for keeps

This love will never faulter
And you'll never question if I ever love you
Or how much never enough
No matter the cirscumstance
You'll always have mommy-near
Loving you forever
You are my baby bear

time will reveal that you're the one who's loosing

I fell for this boy
When the leaves started to fall from the trees
(11.03.08)
Ever since weve gone through alot of stuff
But could never quite live without each other enough
To let a love like this go to waste
Then the toxic love
Put a bullet through his brain

Take me away from here, take me somewhere where love is like breathing

-John Legend

I'm ready

I've thought long and hard
And I've prayed longer and harder.
I'm ready to say 'I do'
And see all the promises come true

I want to see him down on one knee
Traditionally is meant for me
He'll take me by the hand
As tears weld
I know this moment

When the ring is finally in its place
I won't hesitate to tell the world
Of my infallibly good fate
Save the dates
Announcements
Invites plus two
I'm ready to say 'I do'

The ceremony will take place
At our secret garden
We'll walk down the isle
Covered in a canopy of flowers
Casablanca
Calla Lilies
And Orchids
Will all perfume our sun-kissed skin

This time I'll take his hand
And recite vows that will be made daily anew
I'm ready to say 'I do'

I know I'll have tears of joy
Instead the ones of hurt and pain.
I'm ready to say 'I do'
Take off on honeymoon
And this time see it through

I'll do anything you ask
I promise I can prove once again
I'm committed and true
Pop the question
I'm ready to say 'I do'

For our first kiss on next week

For when we make love in six weeks

For the ring you wore proudly six months from now

For when you said 'I do' next March

And for those beautiful children of ours

Yes, I know it might sound strange cause we just met

But I thank you in advance

-Boys II Men

love actually

There is no such thing as a perfect partner but what if we all stop looking for the perfect partner and in essence became that perfect partner first for ourselves. Striving to love yourself more than anyone else ever could but when you did find someone with an unmistakable love for you and yours there is completion in two beings. Don't ever look for someone that completes you. That should not have to be the duty of another person. It is understandable to feel complete in someone but be sure not to lose your individuality in the process of relationships. That in itself is what makes relationships thrive the differences of two individuals that can co-exist within the likeness of love and all other commonalities.

A relationship takes 100% from both parties involved both giving not in hopes to receive but because of heart. Thus this type of love will be reciprocated without agenda. If you aren't willing to compromise and work through issues and show your partner that you too are willing to grow then a relationship will never flourish. As you get older what we want out of relationships change with each experience but we must never settle. Always remain true to yourself remember what matters to you. Never date someone you couldn't see yourself married to. From the 1st or 2nd date you have an impression about the type of person you're dealing with. If you see something you're not willing to handle and you don't speak up or move on chances are this flaw will worsen over time. Remember that many issues can be made better and others are just a lesson to carry on.


I've now learned from experience and that of others that love is a commitment and not an emotion or bait to gain what you want if only for the moment. Rather if you are willing to love in a relationship vow to be true and remain committed to the finish. Afterall, love should never be a fight but something worth fighting for. I still believe that true love never dies but rather is reciprocated by another.

These are a few traits that we all should aim to possess if not already. It's not about finding the right partner but being the right partner.

Integrity- Being honest is of great importance because most people nowadays only speak out of manipulation to get what they desire from whomever of whatever situation and it really disgusts me that integrity seems not to exist anymore. This just means that some persons have not your best interest at heart only their own which is a sense of selfishness therein love can never exist. Even when the truth hurts it's worth the pain.


Respect- In every sense of the word. The way in which they carry themselves, treats others, and most of all towards your partner.  This means mind, body, soul the person as a whole. In a  relationship no other voice besides you and your partner should be involved.

Fun Loving- Someone of spontaneity with a willingness to try new things. Be able to bring something to the relationship where you can teach your partner, vice versa and always experience something you've both never together. Routine and habit can be a virus to a relationship. Never let the spark go out.

Goal Oriented - Someone who's not financially where they want to be is never a bad thing, but someone who sits in the contentment of mediocrity is. A partner with ideas and goals is a must. Someone who thinks not only about the now but a future and includes you is a great find. If your partner can not commit to even the smallest of goals set forth they can neither be committed to a relationship.


Provider-  A partner with a heart for others will always find a way. Men thrive on being able to provide for their own. Not necessarily to have everything at their fingertips but if only the means by which something can be accomplished. Knowing that one of your obligations as a partner is to take care of what you love is key.

God Fearing- Alot of individuals are caught up only in themselves and what the world can do for them or better yet what they can get out of it. Many people go day by day, thinking it is only by their own hands and the sweat of their brows that life is done. A partner with a sense of spirituality in something higher than ourselves existing is essential. If God is in the midst of a union nothing can be against it.

I will be there when you need someone to run with

I will be there when you need someone to dance with

I'm your lover when the skies turn grey

Every day til' it's beautiful baby

-Robin Thicke

I said good-bye to the devil

I said Goodbye
to the Devil
Though I was
Very shy
I turned around
and walked away
Didn't look him
in the eye
I'd spent months
making my case
Playing the cards
at hand


Proving my loyalty
showing my worth
In hopes that he'd
be my man
Took me a while
But soon I realized
The game but the
Joke was on me


All of the things
I'd wanted from him
was simply
my own fantasy


I said Goodbye
to the Devil
Gathered my courage
And walked away


Full of his empty words
and treating me mean
Sick of his selfish heart
His soul unclean


Tired of the promises
he didn't keep
and the places
we didn't meet
or the hiding behind
night sky
or how in the
daylight
he'd turn a
blind eye


And I like a toy
was played and used
tossed, forgotten
broken and abused


Russian roulette
lover I'd become
Then one day
I was finally done


Over the waiting
And hoping against
hope that
one day...
He'd love me


I Said Goodbye
to the Devil
He Never knew
When I was gone
Sometimes
I see him
in my dreams
but this time
my heart is Done


I love you Divine...compliments to an oh' so perfect you.
This is everything I choked up and couldn't say.
Thank-you for alway being apart of my heart. <3
http://chaile-divine.blogspot.com/

logic or heart

On day I'll be sitting as comfortably as you holding someone's heart. It's amazing when people are created from situations and there is another who will ultimatley and reap the benefits of your spoils. I suppose that what life is about not making a bed that you may ly in but for the benefit or lessons of others. I'm pensive in thought that this burden I ly I won't see me thru to an end and its vastly disappointing. It's like someone asking for time and in that time they're replacing you. This is breaking a heart I thought was all finished up. I am the defeated optimist and relationships are now becoming something of my past maybe I won't ever find that one and I'm now over the entire search. It's odd not believing in soul mates and then beleiving you've found the one to that reversal state maybe it was an unconvincing fable.

there's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you the chance there's nothing you can do

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.

-Dalai Lama

but everybody knows almost doesn't count

There are a million thoughts that won't escape me. If it pains you so much to try to be with me then not try to. I asked to not be strung along and still I need that courtsey. It's more than obvious that you've moved on in every possible way. So there is no love to force. I see it everytime I look at you, there is a distance in your eyes. I only wish you could be honest and tell me truth in what I ask even though to you my actions may not be your version of being able to handle the truth. I'm telling you all this once more because most of all I miss you and the love we once had. You said it would never be the same and it's apparent that you want no better from us while you continue your search for the one or maybe you've already met her. It hurts that you thrive in the secretcey of text messages, unanswered calls only when I'm around, social networks and messenger where I conlcude that you are your true self. Free to relish in the adoration of others and explore all the options of what if. This time I wanted to believe you were ready to commit 100% for us but that is not the case. Why ask me back? Why live with a stress? Why tolerate an annoyance? Why conieve and lie?

 Nevertheless I pray your happiness the same I for mines. No one deserves pain if they've truly sot forgiveness. I wait for the day God smiles upon my heart with an unfaltering, never-failing and unquestionable love. For now I can no longer willfully allow you to cause me to hurt and call it love when we both know what it's not. There is no absolution in convincing yourself or worse myself of trying when you know that your heart left a long time ago. I can say that I love you whole-heartedly even still without bias of the known past or the persent person that you are now. I still needed and wanted to be yours because I still believed in what my heart felt and my mind forgave. I stand in this place alone and unregretably I know that a life's lesson will come from all this and at best my son that I've always wanted even when you didn't or ever will. There still is no bitterness nor spite because I willingly allowed all this for a love I proclaimed so in the end there is only myself to blame. Our day may never come but I'll always be reminded that you were almost the one.

c'mon love

Last Wednesday was another anticipated doctor's appointment this time mostly because I knew I'd get a new ultrasound picture of how my lil man was looking by now. 30 weeks! I'm really anxious for him to get her, these last few weeks are becoming tiresome. All in his time and God's of course. Well I was seen quickly again but my doctor was concerned about some soreness I complained about in my stomach. She noted that I shouldn't feel so tender already and was just as anxious and concerned to see the results of the ultrasound as I was. Lil man was still very active letting his presence felt continously.

I got the Imaging Centre of the ultrasound done and the first picture revealed the cause of my tenderness immediatley...Lil man is in a BREECHED position. Which means he's still sitting up right and has not yet moved into his exit position whereas his head would be facing downward. The ultrasound tech was not very optimistic that he'd turn at this point but I was reassured by my nurse that there is still much time that he can turn himself and if not my physicians would be well eqipped to handle the situtaion. I'm not bothered at this point about it. Quite the contrary I'm a bit excited. I could always remember that I was delivered a breech birth by my mom. I would always procalim this to persons made me feel special against odds. Most people are automatically fearful when they hear a baby is breeched because it can in fact be that more dangerous for the mother and newborn. However my fears are comforted for I know the faith and health of myself and child are in our heavenly father's hands.