obsolete prefection

And yet I wonder all the time
Why do you love me
You do not know me
Is my presence so alluring
My beauty so transforming
That you would allow me to entrace thee

All these questions
A never-ending plea
Can you just find me
Look for real meaning
Existence in this distance
Not only to fill some void you're missing

It all seems significant
The facade of completion in meaning
So you cannot hear me
When I sing of my own selfishness
A bitch bewitched
Wanting to need thee

This longing all wrong
Fix me
Test me
Push on
Dismiss me
Make me the best me

Yet you only see raptured smiles
Embracing arms
All words you never knew
Together so perfectly
Surfaced with non-promises
Never missed
Hope's most fatal kiss

I wake to this oxymoron
Of life
Each time my eyes
See the day's light
If you really knew
You wouldn't adorn me
Never be introduced
To be reduced

I don't mean to mislead
This is just my lead
That maybe you'd be the one
To preform this longing deed
Make love to the real me
In a place that touches so deep
I'd genuwinely greet

Don't chance what you wish now
It's far too late
Worry not though
It's not all who are afforded this will
Sometimes the bewitched me
Just needs a little mortality

So you see
Sometimes I'm a free me
To some forces that be
I won't efface thee
This is fleeting me

Until then
I continue to meet
Picking and weeding
All who do not meet
Soon I shall plow
And you will touch my soul
Humbling to produce a better me
Hello, it's nice to met thee!
Now there's a genuwine me.

in your eyes

And even though
I didn't see it
The sincerity was in your eyes

From that first night
Your heart smiled

Captivated by my own beknownace
That the situation did ensnare
It was a comfort
You I didn't know
But you cared

My mind had to be a million places at once
Yet you made me smile
Each a genuwine one
Lifting me off the ground
So precise about where I placed my feet
Humbling yourself to me

Your presence was felt
And if ever I replay
The events of that day
I'm thankful that we met
Even in the most ridiculous way
Patient in my delay
And even though you were free to be
You never left me

You wanted to avenge me
But there was no vengence in me
I just wanted to get away from the me I use to be
Because she may have been sitting
With her face in her hand
Crying wishing that boy still cared
Oblivious to see that love was no longer there

You remind me each time
That this kind of heart of mine
Something never witnessed
Still dazzles your mind
Lovestruck wanting to be mine
But for this purpose
You'd promise a lifetime

Not just a friend you said
But someone who'd forever be there
Always giving my heart
Tender loving care

And thru some washed tears
You turned around
Held firm to my heart's bed
You ly and wait
For the day when it would be ready
Willing to be embraced

Now I look at your smiling face
And I can see how you hurt
But you tell me how much you care anyway
Forever's still there
Though your now fragile heart is in dispair

You say you love me more
Than anyone ever will
And now I see
The sincerity in your eyes
Only this time
Your heart cries

adieu Love

Seems like there should be some final words to say.
But no matter how hard the wind whistles.
I can’t seem to blow the thought of you away.

Why are you so confused?
When it was you who made all the rules.
Now it seems like you can’t take
What you yourself put into play.
So do we allow our encounter to just fade away?

I’d like to sit and listen
If you ever thought you have something to say.
Because I know there’s no way
You could just throw these feelings away.

Let me know what's frightening
About me being with you
And why you’ll never seemingly be true.
Let me know so when its finally over and we’ve both let go.

I would have known that my only penalty of mine
Would have been
The inability of love to turn back time
If only then I would have never wished you were mine.
08.17.06

you are Love

Loves this crazy/beautiful thing
That’s got such a hold on me
I can hear his heart calling truly
I’ll never leave him love sick and lonely
If his heart aches only for me

What if introduces
A lovers cliché
Yet he takes one look
And deception flows
Trying to convince me of this fictional love
That we must keep alive
"Don’t leave me" he says
So give me reason to stay
If the best you can do
Is to only treat me this way

Love brings limits
All baggage must be checked
This one’s broken, bruised and battered
But after a brisk cloud of doubt clears the air
This love maybe worth its’ wait

Maybe I should say what I mean
Instead of holding on to what I wish were real
I know you won’t wait
This love can no longer hesitate
Today’s that day I cannot procrastinate

I’ll remember the loving looks we shared
How it felt when love held me in the air
Every time loves lips touched my chest
Falling asleep with love’s tender caress
And all the time I waited for love to be revealed

Shed no tears mediocre love was there
In a special way I’d say
Always my hero
Continually saving the day
What was left has now gone
"My baby could do no wrong"

This love will remember me
I will be this lovers forever memory
Much more than common friends you and me
You can’t rush love if it’s not meant to be
08.17.06

consumption

My love,
My husband,
My friend,
My lover
My everything Godsend
You have totally consumed me.
Mind. Body. Soul.
And to be this far away from you aches.
But to be in your presence
If only a short while
Having this missing

Under submission
 

I count the seconds

And I hold my breath
To bliss from your every smile
Linger on the touch of your fingertips
And savour the taste of your lips when we kiss
So until then
I am waiting here

To exhale again

and so God saw fit

And so exactly to this day

Time would have cycled

From a captivating night

That brought forth

Divinity in early morning light

How was I ever to know

That from this first encounter

My subconscience self knew

He would never let

Another day cease to just

Factor as ordinary

So I leave my nest of refuge

And concoursed to this destination

Familiar yet unknown

I must wait awhile

And my own impatience

Almost cost me much this time

I circle

And contemplate much longer

Should I wait

Or just let this all go to waste

My own inner termoil was fueling my haste

Even still something held firm

Submitting me to this place

In preparation

To take all of what I wanted

And present nothing like I needed

This night about to change our lives

I wonder if he even knew

He would surrender his all

So unaware

Yet willing

Yielding this heart to reciprocrate

He finally pulled in to the designated spot

My heartbeat complete

Curiousity waiting to be fulfilled

I still don't know what had driven me

Embraced with a smiling

And enchanting face

I wanted to know him instantly

To be a confidant

Have my heart entrailed

I don't recall

The never ending conversation

But it took me away

From the unpleasantries of life

Engrossed in him

Not fleeing

Searching I didn't need an escape

Time had already forsaken us

And emotions started to quake

What these feelings

Unearthed intoxicate

It was as if

We had both rekindled a flame

That was never once lit

But was dying to be revived

He extended his arms to me

Something we had spoken of

It was my place

His cuddling space

I can still only hear the beating

Of his own heart

That matched the pace in my chest

Inhaling

And exhaling his anticipation

While he fought

His own demons

I withheld my personal human

Not to extend my gaze

And press against his parted lips

This was the man

From who's rib

I came

I felt it all over

He was the right fit

If nothing last forever what makes love the exception?!

So yeah I saw this caption online the other night and it really made me wonder...
Of course being my own personal advocate
I believe in Love..
With that being said let me muse on familar ground awhile.

What makes love the exception?

Logically I'm thinking time.
Mankind continues on time after time
Age after age..
As long as there is a planet earth
Love will exist...

Man was created with the

Innate ability to give love

And crave it

In all its ways

The foundation of love

Should first be seen in our families

Yet in many instances

Isn't the case

Though absent or not

The results of love

Or the lack there of

Is evident

Then there are relationships

Of people that were once stangers

But by chance or destiny

Have become

Friends or Lovers

From childhood

Most kids gravitate towards that one other individual

That they are so much alike

And sometimes not so

But something clicks

And that one person or that clique

Becomes Best Friends Forever(BFF)

A trend that continues for many

Creating a lifetime of BBFs

And just like children

The more mature mind

Of adults find that one individual

Where something just clicks

Friendship is there

But the emotions

That love envelopes

Causes them to crave much more

From each other

Yes, adolcents and children

Can experience these dynamics

But it just goes to show that love

Does not factor age

It embraces all

In its every form

I do not believe

That anybody has the correct answer

For what love itself should be defined as

But I do believe that

Everyone is touched by it

Wether it's acknowleged

Or known

I watch siblings

Walk to school

Hand in hand

Not saying a word

Love is there

They will protect each other

And will grieve for one another

Two teenagers stand

In a longing embrace

The girl wears

Her boyfriend's varsity jacket

Not saying a word

Love is there

They will protect each other

And will grieve for one another

A just married couple

Drives down Lover's Lane

Top down

Smiles blowing in the wind

Not saying a word

Love is there

They will protect each other

And will grieve for one another

An elderley couple

Sits on a park bench

He smokes a tabaco pipe

And she

Feeds the birds

Not saying a word

Love is there

They will protect each other

And will grieve for one another

Familes,

Friends

And Lover's

All seperate

And sometimes

End in hate

Yet this will never stop

Familes from gatherings

And visits

Friends from laughter

And tears

Or the intimacy of lovers

Love takes a vow

To protect

And cherish

To be faithful

But forgive

Mother's vow to their children

Husbands to their wives

Friends and Lover's

to always be there in spite

Love is the exception

Because love is

A universal language

That will continue

To be spoken by all

Yet only truly touch

Those who open their hearts

To mans greatest desire

To love

And be loved in return

Everyone wishes to be passionatly desired

Yet wanting to be loved even more

To know that they are capable

Of being captivating

And maddening

But to always feel

safe and sheltered

Love lasts

Forever

always

I've fallen asleep with you

Next to me,

In your arms,

You in mine.

I've dreamed of you

Before I knew who you were,

After you found me,

When I ly with you

And always when you are away from me.

Because your beauty will grace my face

I will awaken to your smile,

I can never escape this place.

And again rest will find you

Maybe next to me,

Though I may not slumber awhile,

I am restless when you are not near,

But when sleep comes to me,

I will dream again

And I will always love you more in the morning

Because you were there.

ell-oh-vee-ee

One thing I never found to give up on was love
It's everywhere you look
A force beyond all reckoning
And reason

I could look to everything

I ever knew

And still not pick out all the

Memories that love

has afforded me

I feel so enriched

This may seem as a metaphorasis

But it has always been there

Though rarely tapped into

However some people

Only see the surface

And never make an effort to

Discover true self

I could not

Fathom the thought of falling

For someone you know not

Then I met HIM

I now understand the power

Of being drawn to someone

And wanting to learn everything about them

Not all at once

Because you want to be there forever

But just a little or much at a time

And even when nothing was said

You're excited beyond reason

To be in there presense again

To be able to imagine

All the happiest and saddest moments of your life

And still want that one person there

To experience it all with

His touch

On my trembling lips

Thousands of kisses

To live like this

My heart won't dismiss

Forever leaning shoulder

Arms of a comforting hug

That secure and safe embrace

Enjoying a disagreement

Knowing that you'll be so much better after

In the most absurd way

You've learned more about

That person's character

Imprefections becoming perfect

An embrace after it all

A heart filled with hope

Smiling outright

To breathe in his aroma

For his musk to linger in your hair

Infatuation doesn't dwell here

Love steadily swells

I Want to Die While You Love Me

So I thought I'd share this with you..

A fav. poem of mine,

These verses seem so melancholy..

yet the invitation is serene,

I love it!!

By:Georgia Douglas Johnson

I want to die while you love me,
While yet you hold me fair,
While laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.


I want to die while you love me,
And bear to that still bed,
Your kisses turbulent, unspent
To warm me when I’m dead.


I want to die while you love me
Oh, who would care to live
Till love has nothing more to ask
And nothing more to give!


I want to die while you love me
And never, never see
The glory of this perfect day
Grow dim or cease to be.

Love Me A While Longer

I don't know how you feel about us right now.
But I'm going out of my mind.
I care so much about you
And it's just killing to know
What I need to be doing to make us work
But yet it feels like I can't get there quick enough for you.

You're leaving me behind
And I'm trying to make my actions reflect
What my mind's telling me.
Even if I don't agree with it at first
Or am blind-eyed
Because of my own stubborn and selfishness.

I may not get it right the first few tries
But love is consistent
And true
I've fallen in love with you
And with all my imprefections
I still sometimes wish you saw me perfect
Or in the same light that you first loved me with.

Yet I realise as much as I'd like it to be
This life is no fairy-tale.
And with such realities
Comes lifes' true challenge
Of what we've vowed and promised to keep.

I'm sorry that I look towards that easy path.
When times seems tough.
Sometimes I just wish you'd fight to make me stay.
So even though I try to pull away
And shield it's far too late

I've left my heart with you
And as cold and selfish as it may seem to be
It's yours to keep.
The same heart that you vowed forever,
The one that made you fall for me.

So I'm willing
Though not immediatly able
I'm reaching out to you
Not to harden your heart toward me,
Don't label me your complication.
I can be so much more than that
If you just love me a while longer.

release me

There's a tugging in my chest
I can't breathe
Though I'm trying my best
My hearts about to ease
But I don't want that type of peace

I need you right here next to me
Can we go back to the night before

When you ran you fingers down my spine
Loosing all control
You knew you were mine

Stare at me again
Before loves' glare
Is no longer there

I'm aching for your touch
And yet love
You are not here soon enough

I need you to embrace me
Please don't chase me

Cruise Control

On cruise control....

There is no way that I'm letting life take its toll

All the decisions and paths I take are by choice

And I've learning to listen to my own inner voice

I'm sitting here and I'm missing

Missing from an entangled life that wouldn't let go

But I'm buckled in adjusting to these new setting

That I'm learning to know

This loving heart still breathes

Though it's skipped a few beats

I'm welcoming life's potential ease

And now I'm beginning to

Appreciate love's sweet melodic breeze

As I move through life unscripted

I'm embraced by characters

Eager and euphoric

I'm like a bird in first flight

I'm enjoying the essence of a different light

That only can bring prosperity

I want to fall in love with life

Come aboard

Chose a seat

Window, Isle

Or right next to me

My eyes are full;

Smile oh so bright,

My head held upright


I' m on rendezvous with loving life

Addiction...

So I'm addicted to many things..both positive and maybe not so positive but never anything negative... with that being said..My sister's suppose to be back home for good next week...And being the wonderful person she is she sent a shout-out to me... do you want me to bring you anything back?!...omg?! do you even have to ask...lol. Anyway, I'm finally getting the Nokia 7373...after almost an entire year of extensive reviews and study the best critic is MYSELF...I have to find out if this phone functions as faboulous and delicious as it looks...yes! they are the only words worthy of such description...It's actually in only two stores here and it's been $600 bucks from I first laid eyes on it which was before Christmas last year and the only decrease in price barely worthy of mention was Valentine's Day this year when it actually dropped to $420 and then skyrockedtted again..I almost lost myself a few times and paid that type of money for it...But with my luck with cell phones...that would have been short-lived..Of course I found it online for alot less months ago but the opportunity had not present itself...patience is a virtue these words never spoken so truly...FINALLY.....I hope I don't jinx it...Can't wait to have the little seduction in my hands...Did I fail to menion the most important detail about it?! ....it's PINK....could it be any tastier?!...ugh! anticipation!!!!one week!! I'd like to give much thanx to Gustave...Hanna...Ike...and Josephine too...lol @ least only for now b/c of them my sister can't make it back until next week...giving the awesome ppl who work for Ebay Express time to get on top of things.... this is my addiction....

Femme fatale...

Gawd!! I just feel like I'm in this bitch mode...everyone's so dramtic about everything!! From that shit over a month ago where I almost lost gawd knows what...lol....geez! I'm sooo over it....though it's not completly over...but I so don't need everyone's false pity and all the "if I were there...."and the "how could you....." and the "why are you....". uGH!! so frustrating I just want to scream at the top of my lungs... I don't need all that blah blah...if I wanted to hear what everyone had to say I would friggin' ask...Just the fact that I'm not talking or asking any of your guys about is...you'd think it would be enough to hint hint....back the fcuk up ay!!! The most annoying part of it all, is everyone asking to the same drawn out details over and over again. And like who's asking anybody to take sides?! I'm not looking for supporters to rally in my defense. When it's all said and done regardless of what the outcome is...it was MY choice and nooone else's. I don't get where ppl get off being so judgemental...I ALWAYS mind my own business...not like all their lives are perfect or can they even speak from experience and even so, how could anyone ever understand?! it didn't happen to you...you can't understand how I FEEL!!!! Then there're these labourers....are we here to be personal or professional...what the hell is there not something called procedure?! And you want to get all teary eyed over a few questions and a call. ..I swear these ppl are too sheltered...get some bloody backbone mayne!!!then ppl want to look at me like im some cold-hearted person...dayumm man I'm not looking for pity from anybody...I don't go running to someone with my problems every little second of everyday...do these ppl not kno what is to deal on their own shyte...its so pathetic to want to make every casual encounter or aquintance your BFF....omg!! get a fcukin' life ppl!!! are there not more important things going on in the world let alone our very own country to be touched about?!....And what I REALLY don't appreciated is in all aspects of it ppl wanted to "TALK" to you...knowing in all regards that whatever you say to them even in the most insiginificant and non-literal sense they have no intention of keeping any of it confidential...they're just their to feed the masses with more slander..just to make themselves feel like they're doing some justice by acting nice and looking down on the life of another..only because you don't think and act the same why they do...are we not in global society of individuality..where ppl define themselves..going against every sterotype and norm to whatever means all in the name of personal conquest...when it all comes down to it...that's all everyone is trying to do..figure out this thing we called life for themselves...even if they're stumbling and being brusied along the way..and to those that keep walking with your heads held high and not genuwinely giving a care to those who don't necessarily get it on their first, second, third or however many times it takes...keep your bitchassness the fcuk away from me!!!!self-righteous motherfuckers!! THEN there are those so called friends that slowly omit you from their lives ONLY to be heard from when they need something and in the end they want you to believe it's your fault b/c you've put someone else above them...like wtf...this was never a competition...ive taken my share of bad treatment in that department..yet i keep a genuwine smiling face...ive never claimed to be perfect..in fact if i had a disclaimer it would probably read...not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good...lol..that being said, i give ppl all the fair chances in the world and yet i still get burned... and no ill never be bitter.. what i would appreciate tho is for ppl to give me the same diligence i give them...but yea you can't alway get what you want..haha...so what if you miss a time or two.. a call or text....for everytime that it ever counted i was there and all the times you shit on me while i was there....and i never threw it in your face or held no annomosity towards you..yet now you take the easy way out when you think someone else has your back...more power to you...ill never be in a position to hold anyone back from being human... that being the ability to chose your own will...i will never be that person...i am not misery..and if you're one of the bright crayons in the box you'll know what the means...i kno that i am still the same girl that loves a good stomach turning laugh...the ones that bring happy tears to my eyes...i still enjoy feeling the rain on my face ...and the sand between my toes...i still love the feeling of the waves washing over me, and the sun hitting my brown skin, shaking my hair againt the wind, getting dressed up and the only memory of a perfect time is the internal one in my mind..i still crave wet kisses and long hugs that lift my spirit in the air...i love this life...i'm flying!!!!!!!