how I loved you so...little did you know

I was reminicing on the times
before you went away
Sleepless nights
because together we wanted to stay
Early mornings in car parks
with endless conversations
I remember the look in your eyes
so smitten with love
My heart you enthralled

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

- Robert Frost

Mr. whoever you are

"A woman either loves or hates--she knows no medium"

from high heels and parties to high chairs and potties

Prepare to be Evicted !!!

28 weeks and 1 day.....

I had my 7 month visit today and I have to say it probably was the shortest of them all. In terms of seeing the doctor I mean I was in and out in no time. My little man was as usual hard to locate. Moving freely from one side of his condo to the next. It's probably bigger than it looks from the outside. It must be nice to live rent free and all expenses paid. Today 141 heart beats per minute. He must really be into cardio. And believe me, I could feel every little movement. He's growing steadily according to the doctor. Who was just like every other physician or aid that's seen me proclaimes at my small stomach "This a cute lil stomach!" Yuppers...lil man chose a nice place.  I'm just hoping for the delivery of a healthy baby and I'm so looking forward to meeting this free spirit he seems to possess so much of already.

Welcome to the 3rd and final Trimester.

for awhile I got a man to stick it out and make a home from a rented house

For what its worth...
What happens when something becomes completly devaluated?
When its appreciation is totally depreciated.
Then you can no longer see what once made you smile.
Now the evidence of imprefection clearly lys before my eyes.
A walking demonstration of the best lies I'd ever hear.

"What if you wasted love and our love in time disappeared, And the perfect song ends up being the last song you'll ever hear"

-Rihanna

truth is everyone will hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for

Every vengeful person pleads ' I hope it was worth it'. Frankly, I don't care if it was or not. I'm not vengeful nor spiteful. That fact that you risked what we had or could have had for something else means it must have been and it if it turns out not to be well I'm sure you'll get it right the next time around. I don't know what hurts more actually being right after all this time or wrongfully believing every lie. I guess that's the heart instead of the head. Maybe I'll become logically minded like you and one day I'll be sitting blissfully as you are holding someone's heart. I've never heard the words 'I love you' more idly tossed about in my life and its so surreal to feel the emptiness in every kiss. For the first time I  can no longer admit that I miss this. The truth is etched in my subconscious and I remember your contentment in all of this. The only deserving apology is to my unforgiving heart that I allowed to be decieved because my mind didn't perceive reality . I'm sorry for if I'd know that it wasn't worth it I would have never let you ventured there. So for wherever the pieces of my heart may have fallen, after you've found yourself come back to me whole-heartedly and I promise the next time we'll give so much more than we get like we always have its clear I just haven't met the one yet.

"You were always hard to hold , so letting go ain't easy, I'm hanging on but growing cold"

-Lifehouse

the most important thing in illness is to never lose HEART

Play your Part. Become Apart.

When I was about 14 years old I lost one of my most favorite people in the world to Aids. My cousin just two years younger than I was born with it and I don't think he ever knew. I remember going by their house everyday after school in junior high and on weekends. His presence holds some of the best memories of my childhood. I dread the memory of slowly watching this disease take-over his young body and my once vibrant and out-spoken love became this frail hardly recognizable person that later became hospitalized and in the end the last time I saw him I kissed his cheek told him how much I missed and loved him and that I'd see him soon. And to this day I still know it's true...see you soon cuz.  Gone but never forgotten.

Prejudice is the child of ignorance. 

 William Hazlitt

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little – do what you can.

 Sydney Smith

there I just said it I'm scared you'll forget about me

It's impossible for me to ever not remember you

Here's the thing
With me you've secured you're bed
No other will ly their head
My heart still beats
Only to feel yours here
It gets harder as the time passes
And for us there is no resolution
Besides to not give up
If you'd allow love to just give in

Opening my eyes to you every morning
Was like the feeling of a new beat in my heart
Nothing like I'd been accustomed to
Because loving you always made my spirits anew
Morning devotions helped shape a better  us
Witness to the man God needed you to be
And ultimatley the one he kept for me

I need my husband, friend and lover near
This distance hurts and tears
Causing my heart to swell
I wonder now if another is getting
All that you're worth
Maybe now I'm fading into the distance
Is this the case
I wish then I could love in reverse
And let go like the many times you rehearsed
Yet I plead my case
I'll love you forever
For better or worse