ode to love

I don't even know where to start. But I guess I'll say what's for certain and never-changing in spite of and no matter what with tears in my eyes and the perpetual tugging in my chest is that 'I love you'. I know you've heard me say it many times before and I still don't think you really believe or feel me. This love I have for you never have I given another. You have been an unimaginable happiness in my life and now I only see you grieve and it hurts to no relief that I cannot be what you are to me when all I want to be is all that you'll ever need. You believed at some point that I was the one he kept for you but now your heart's crying out and it's not for me. It can't be when I'm ever near you miss the real in me repeatedly. My heart feels for you but your words you hold sincere they aren't clear they wound and purge lingering tears. This cannot be when I just want to be yours to have and to hold only you dear to listen and caress all the words the ones I knew that were always sincere. When tears were that of happiness these days no longer exist and you I constantly miss. I'm in love with the man that loved me back flaws in all and helped me to be the best me. Now your unconscious words are left straining at my anxious heart that won't let go but I'm holding onto to faint memories where this man left me. You are no longer here and I close my eyes and sleep hoping that when I awake maybe this time his love would come back to me. I stare awhile and miss the forever in your eyes this love has been chased. I ly in this restless slumber where another may rest her head someday and you will be her bed. You will tell the words I still hear about how much you care and all the love you have that will forever be there. I wonder will you remember me. Will I be just another dismissed memory the past left to pass. These thoughts hurt so much but I need you near.

You are my love. Though this land is barren I stay steadfast to the belief in the beauty that is to come. I've never been here before. This is my first encounter of true love. You've said that I don't know what love is. I always baffle in this consequential statement. I may have been many things when we met but like no time before have I ever been this. So maddening and captivated with someone that even in the depth of despair care didn't linger there. I was certain of trials that were to come but even though it would seem like I turned and walked away. I still wait in reprieve for this love to heal. I cannot forget the first time I saw your face and my heart took its place. I cannot forget willingly making myself this vulnerable vessel that I am now open to every chastisement and criticism because I withheld nothing when maybe I should have. Yet I apologize for the pain the many unnecessary honesties have caused but for this you that this love genuinely produced I hold none in regret. To you my heart repeatedly calls I can no longer fall I am forever unbeautifully yours I will be loves constant cause because I need you like no other before. My forever doesn't exist if it's not with you. No one can ever love me like you do. It hurts to love like this for the first time but I cannot fail you are my Mr. I am your Mrs. I've seen the beauty manifested through you and I where love took us to blissful heights together but for now we linger in valleys of emotional peaks where I believe love's left us to metamorphose into something ever more beautifully. And if even you still doubt if love ever enough recollect to the first encounter of the illogical that became plausible because of two distant strangers that met when everyone else slept reasoning with unknown magnetic attractions which was enough to uncover diamonds in the rough.

"You take me to another place there's no more war, just love and grace. Baby you've restored my faith. I know the struggles not in vain."

-John Legend

had to be the time

Is your heart for me
Can it really still be
This heart of mine won't let go
You are all of me
Embracing you I miss feeling
Our two hearts beating
Fingers tracing all forbidden places
Your heart cries out.

this is going to bring me to my knees...this is going to take the heart right out of me

You let go

So I let go too

Don't want to miss your face

Erasing you is a must

This love was never enough

I have to find peace of mind

It's going to take some energy

Trapped in my memories

Don't be mad at me

I'm not the me I use to be

Everyday is another chance

Til it's beautiful

Love is always possible

never thought that I'd fall for you as hard as I did

There's so much to say

But the words
They never come out that way
And I can never stop
For you I'll always answer the call
You still consume my heart
This I cannot easily dismiss
I'll be there for each kiss
Damaging but promised to no other

You I'm constantly needing
I know I must get through this

I awake to the comfort in your face
Immediately drawn to be closer
I want to be wrapped up in you
Lovers under the covers
No care
Never to mind
Then just as instantly as you intoxicate me
I'm reminded of the current circumstance
If only now love could take
Us back in time
We'd see reflections maybe could understand

I cannot resist you
Nor do I want
But after this ecstasy
You leave my heart even more torn
This needing is too weakening
Got it bad
I have to break this bad habit
Can't take this no more

i decided long ago to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear

So there are some individuals who believe that I think that I'm better than other people and that I'm stuck up because of reasons I don't even care to mention. That being said if you and/or other parties involved are bothered by my confidence you may want to check your own level of self-esteem. I mean saying unnecessary and untrue shit about others who don't even know that you exist is really shallow. Some people should really find better pastimes. I really could give a shit less what you think of me. Obviously you watching my life signifies the lack of depth thereof in your own. I rep 'Rich Girls' but in that regard it doesn't relate directly to money itself. I'm rich in love, beauty, intelligence, independence, realness, and talent. And if you disagree, prove yourself wrong but first of all stop going around saying 'you know me'! I'm not here to impress you. Better yet stay watching my continual rise from that pathetic level below you at.

"You cannot hate other people without hating yourself"

-Oprah

if the Lord asked me what I did with my life I would say I spent it with you

This time it really hurts.
I'm afraid if manifested into words.
It will make it all to real.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
If each kiss and the missing.
Would release the longing .
Maybe then  I could feel it.
Only he benefits from this temporary fix.
Now my dreams are evaded with the potentials.
That may have always existed.
Just now they're next on his list.
I'm drifting away.
Love would have hurt to make me stay.

yet you still want to be the one

I don't want you anymore.
But I need you around.
I see the way you hurt people.
I don't want you to hurt me like that again.
No one walks away from you.
And I know why I can't.
You're real and I like that.
I've got to be that someone you're with.


-HisRealityCheck

heartache and cigarette sticks

I don't think my mom is too thrilled about this....

and I hate it thought we could make it

Irony of practicing patience
Surrounded by the elements
Of certain elimination
Repetitive phrases of significance
To the end
Still won't reconcile any differences
Not being ready to let go
Doesn't mean that you won't eventually
I'm sleeping with the enemy

And he's quick to re-route
Weeding and picking
Singling all the bad out
Questioned is there someone else
Alas we wrestle the restless
When the roles have similarly been replaced
Fingers constantly away at the mobile
It makes no sense if I'm around
Me you never address
You're livid and I don't know this man

Creating someone I'm not
I can not express this love
Without ridicule and strain
When the once two-way street
Reads signs of detour
And cause of alarm
Do not enter
Or at your own risk
I never knew love's frigid list
This heart won't wallow in this
I'll undoubtedly be dismissed

heavens gates won't open for me please come I'm calling

No matter how hard wished

We can never go back

To the first moment our eyes unlocked

The coyly fervent blush

Of unknown admirers

That welcomed the smiles

Of inviting strangers

We can no longer revisit this

There won't be a chance to savor

The magnetic pull of our first kiss

For us there is no longing anymore

We've become loves porcelain dolls

Sitting with fixated faces

Staring at the living room floor

This space that was once my place

I am no more accustomed to

Lingering hours have become maddening

If only the limited words reflected in speech

Could take us to the love once praised

Maybe one day we'll find our way

If not now its never

Forever will only be possible together

Reincarnated in another lifetime

Your love I never want to give to any other

Yet your damning words hover

You've placed our love undercover

I try to resist the anxious feeling

And lean towards prevailed healing

But those reviled phrases aren't fleeting

Recovered lovers

Or ghosts of lovers past

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... Life's a prison when you're in love alone ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

probably because there's only half worth telling

Never expected to delay this way
I'm stationary awaiting
His consequential hesitation
In his eyes I'm lies
And my words hold the least regard
Love would have heard me
It would have cradled
And craved me
Never wanting to derail
What was truly meant to be

Time to dismiss all the kisses
Detox before this heart starts the missing
Washed memories cause these eyes to swell
Tears that never even had a chance
Discriminatly viewed not to have fallen genuinely
Never had you loved alone
Truly would have been mines forever spooned
I wasn't afforded the right
Of being fairly viewed
This love was featly misconstrued

There's no denying
The misery of these hearts
One pushing the other pulling
Forced to co-exist on unleveled grounds
You can feel the space beneath our feet
I'm falling away and all I see is you
No use in hopelessly wishing
Regress to places before we were unwell
What once felt so real and true
Exhales collapsing on its dying breath
Deaf apologies regret

someone take her picture (click,click)

Come, come summertime

Love, love hold my hand

Come, come summertime

Love, love take a ride with me

♥so cute...

Cinco de Mayo

22 years ago to this date I was born. Making me way cooler than you!!! haha. My star sign is "TAURUS" and one week ago exactly I got the Taurus sign tattooed behind my right ear. I love it. I am so true to my sign...well at least for the most part...hmm. We Taurus adore comfort and enjoy being surrounded by pleasing and soothing things..oh so true. I enjoy being around people I genuinely care about and I feel care for me. The beach would have to be my ultimate place of pleasure and relaxation besides being with my man. The outdoors for me is serene and soothing like I belong to my surroundings. The enjoyment of good food and a comfortable setting like a nice resturant is always welcoming but this at home doesn't compare to the feel of being in your own space. Taurus is a very sensual sign and we love giving and recieving this pleasure in all its forms from indulgence of sweets to fragrances to love-making. On the other had we're stubborn, possessive and impatient but this can be viewed as a persistent nature to always achieve what we want. I know I for one can admit that I am much too often each and not the best of the Taurus trait itself but of course something that can be worked on. Nonetheless Taurus's are the most kind, loyal, reliable, determined, loving and generous people you will ever met.

More about the Taurus -----> http://horoscopes.lovetoknow.com/Taurus_Personality_Traits

I'm excited because I've been blessed with another year of life. There have been many close to my heart that have gone in recent months. I miss those family members dearly and because of this I don't take life for granted. There are no great big plans as of now. But I am exactly where I want to be with the love of my life and spending quality time with the little one who I'm very happy is with us today. She is amazing just like her dad. So full of life and every smile so genuine and glowing just like her eyes. I love her eyes for some reason, so innocent and bright. They really are great at this age. And the way he looks at her I see the same glow in his eyes. Today is a beautiful day. Happy B-Day to me and all the other Cinco de Mayo babes out there!!Enjoy!!

til its beautiful

I'd like to believe that I'm a meaningful person. Living life with a reasoning for most actions because they meant something to me if even in the smallest capacity or if even it was totally BS when it all comes down to it it's because I wanted to by choice. I've repeatedly attested to my man being responsible for great change in my life like no other "God-sent" and I still feel this way. When we first met he introduced me to a song by Robin Thicke called 'Superman'. My man totally sang the praises of this song...I had to hear. And after I totally understood why he felt like it meant so much more to him after he met me and then now why it means so much to me because of him. My interpretation of the song stems initially from the title 'Superman', everyone knows Superman as a hero and his love the distressed Louis Lane. Well the song is a depiction of just that for the most part. An individual who feels like the average Clarke Kent so to speak aiming for the unattainable but yet still falling short to a mediocre existence. Until the encounter of someone with a Louis Lane type persona. They both have what the other needs but ultimately the same goal is the happiness and worth found being in love. Superman feels like a hero because of Louis Lane and she feels like his flight because he takes her to places she's never experienced saving her in every way possible a person can be saved. The song goes on to elaborate on this when you need someone for all those moments where some may feel when you're at your worst you'd be left alone just as Louis Lane at all the worst times she needed Superman...well this 'Superman' vows to be there in spite of it all 'til its beautiful'. The repetitive catch phrase of the song which would have been an appropriate title but the genius of it all was woven together in one word 'Superman'. And because of this vow to stay committed these two individuals are changed for the better and everyone who they come in contact with can see it in a positive light. In a nutshell it's the belief in love, the hope that there will always be someone to reciprocate this. Even in the darkest of times when you may very well be alone, you're holding on because you know something beautiful will become of it all.



I got my first tattoo...about 2 years ago I think. I can't quite remember but surprisingly it wasn't such a bad experience. I've always been fascinated with them and promised I would get more. Once I decided what I wanted. My first was a heart surrounded by wings that I decided on because to me it means to 'Love freely without reservation'.



Now for what all the explanation of the Robin Thicke song was about. I decided on my forth tattoo a few weeks ago. I would get the words 'til its beautiful' for all the reason inspired bythe song, experiences and my man that are all personal to me. I got it this past weekend and I could not be happier. I look at this everyday in a very visible place and I love it the more because of a depth of meaning behind the words.