I said good-bye to the devil

I said Goodbye
to the Devil
Though I was
Very shy
I turned around
and walked away
Didn't look him
in the eye
I'd spent months
making my case
Playing the cards
at hand


Proving my loyalty
showing my worth
In hopes that he'd
be my man
Took me a while
But soon I realized
The game but the
Joke was on me


All of the things
I'd wanted from him
was simply
my own fantasy


I said Goodbye
to the Devil
Gathered my courage
And walked away


Full of his empty words
and treating me mean
Sick of his selfish heart
His soul unclean


Tired of the promises
he didn't keep
and the places
we didn't meet
or the hiding behind
night sky
or how in the
daylight
he'd turn a
blind eye


And I like a toy
was played and used
tossed, forgotten
broken and abused


Russian roulette
lover I'd become
Then one day
I was finally done


Over the waiting
And hoping against
hope that
one day...
He'd love me


I Said Goodbye
to the Devil
He Never knew
When I was gone
Sometimes
I see him
in my dreams
but this time
my heart is Done


I love you Divine...compliments to an oh' so perfect you.
This is everything I choked up and couldn't say.
Thank-you for alway being apart of my heart. <3
http://chaile-divine.blogspot.com/

logic or heart

On day I'll be sitting as comfortably as you holding someone's heart. It's amazing when people are created from situations and there is another who will ultimatley and reap the benefits of your spoils. I suppose that what life is about not making a bed that you may ly in but for the benefit or lessons of others. I'm pensive in thought that this burden I ly I won't see me thru to an end and its vastly disappointing. It's like someone asking for time and in that time they're replacing you. This is breaking a heart I thought was all finished up. I am the defeated optimist and relationships are now becoming something of my past maybe I won't ever find that one and I'm now over the entire search. It's odd not believing in soul mates and then beleiving you've found the one to that reversal state maybe it was an unconvincing fable.

there's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you the chance there's nothing you can do

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.

-Dalai Lama

but everybody knows almost doesn't count

There are a million thoughts that won't escape me. If it pains you so much to try to be with me then not try to. I asked to not be strung along and still I need that courtsey. It's more than obvious that you've moved on in every possible way. So there is no love to force. I see it everytime I look at you, there is a distance in your eyes. I only wish you could be honest and tell me truth in what I ask even though to you my actions may not be your version of being able to handle the truth. I'm telling you all this once more because most of all I miss you and the love we once had. You said it would never be the same and it's apparent that you want no better from us while you continue your search for the one or maybe you've already met her. It hurts that you thrive in the secretcey of text messages, unanswered calls only when I'm around, social networks and messenger where I conlcude that you are your true self. Free to relish in the adoration of others and explore all the options of what if. This time I wanted to believe you were ready to commit 100% for us but that is not the case. Why ask me back? Why live with a stress? Why tolerate an annoyance? Why conieve and lie?

 Nevertheless I pray your happiness the same I for mines. No one deserves pain if they've truly sot forgiveness. I wait for the day God smiles upon my heart with an unfaltering, never-failing and unquestionable love. For now I can no longer willfully allow you to cause me to hurt and call it love when we both know what it's not. There is no absolution in convincing yourself or worse myself of trying when you know that your heart left a long time ago. I can say that I love you whole-heartedly even still without bias of the known past or the persent person that you are now. I still needed and wanted to be yours because I still believed in what my heart felt and my mind forgave. I stand in this place alone and unregretably I know that a life's lesson will come from all this and at best my son that I've always wanted even when you didn't or ever will. There still is no bitterness nor spite because I willingly allowed all this for a love I proclaimed so in the end there is only myself to blame. Our day may never come but I'll always be reminded that you were almost the one.

c'mon love

Last Wednesday was another anticipated doctor's appointment this time mostly because I knew I'd get a new ultrasound picture of how my lil man was looking by now. 30 weeks! I'm really anxious for him to get her, these last few weeks are becoming tiresome. All in his time and God's of course. Well I was seen quickly again but my doctor was concerned about some soreness I complained about in my stomach. She noted that I shouldn't feel so tender already and was just as anxious and concerned to see the results of the ultrasound as I was. Lil man was still very active letting his presence felt continously.

I got the Imaging Centre of the ultrasound done and the first picture revealed the cause of my tenderness immediatley...Lil man is in a BREECHED position. Which means he's still sitting up right and has not yet moved into his exit position whereas his head would be facing downward. The ultrasound tech was not very optimistic that he'd turn at this point but I was reassured by my nurse that there is still much time that he can turn himself and if not my physicians would be well eqipped to handle the situtaion. I'm not bothered at this point about it. Quite the contrary I'm a bit excited. I could always remember that I was delivered a breech birth by my mom. I would always procalim this to persons made me feel special against odds. Most people are automatically fearful when they hear a baby is breeched because it can in fact be that more dangerous for the mother and newborn. However my fears are comforted for I know the faith and health of myself and child are in our heavenly father's hands.

how I loved you so...little did you know

I was reminicing on the times
before you went away
Sleepless nights
because together we wanted to stay
Early mornings in car parks
with endless conversations
I remember the look in your eyes
so smitten with love
My heart you enthralled

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

- Robert Frost

Mr. whoever you are

"A woman either loves or hates--she knows no medium"