there's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you the chance there's nothing you can do

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.

-Dalai Lama

but everybody knows almost doesn't count

There are a million thoughts that won't escape me. If it pains you so much to try to be with me then not try to. I asked to not be strung along and still I need that courtsey. It's more than obvious that you've moved on in every possible way. So there is no love to force. I see it everytime I look at you, there is a distance in your eyes. I only wish you could be honest and tell me truth in what I ask even though to you my actions may not be your version of being able to handle the truth. I'm telling you all this once more because most of all I miss you and the love we once had. You said it would never be the same and it's apparent that you want no better from us while you continue your search for the one or maybe you've already met her. It hurts that you thrive in the secretcey of text messages, unanswered calls only when I'm around, social networks and messenger where I conlcude that you are your true self. Free to relish in the adoration of others and explore all the options of what if. This time I wanted to believe you were ready to commit 100% for us but that is not the case. Why ask me back? Why live with a stress? Why tolerate an annoyance? Why conieve and lie?

 Nevertheless I pray your happiness the same I for mines. No one deserves pain if they've truly sot forgiveness. I wait for the day God smiles upon my heart with an unfaltering, never-failing and unquestionable love. For now I can no longer willfully allow you to cause me to hurt and call it love when we both know what it's not. There is no absolution in convincing yourself or worse myself of trying when you know that your heart left a long time ago. I can say that I love you whole-heartedly even still without bias of the known past or the persent person that you are now. I still needed and wanted to be yours because I still believed in what my heart felt and my mind forgave. I stand in this place alone and unregretably I know that a life's lesson will come from all this and at best my son that I've always wanted even when you didn't or ever will. There still is no bitterness nor spite because I willingly allowed all this for a love I proclaimed so in the end there is only myself to blame. Our day may never come but I'll always be reminded that you were almost the one.

c'mon love

Last Wednesday was another anticipated doctor's appointment this time mostly because I knew I'd get a new ultrasound picture of how my lil man was looking by now. 30 weeks! I'm really anxious for him to get her, these last few weeks are becoming tiresome. All in his time and God's of course. Well I was seen quickly again but my doctor was concerned about some soreness I complained about in my stomach. She noted that I shouldn't feel so tender already and was just as anxious and concerned to see the results of the ultrasound as I was. Lil man was still very active letting his presence felt continously.

I got the Imaging Centre of the ultrasound done and the first picture revealed the cause of my tenderness immediatley...Lil man is in a BREECHED position. Which means he's still sitting up right and has not yet moved into his exit position whereas his head would be facing downward. The ultrasound tech was not very optimistic that he'd turn at this point but I was reassured by my nurse that there is still much time that he can turn himself and if not my physicians would be well eqipped to handle the situtaion. I'm not bothered at this point about it. Quite the contrary I'm a bit excited. I could always remember that I was delivered a breech birth by my mom. I would always procalim this to persons made me feel special against odds. Most people are automatically fearful when they hear a baby is breeched because it can in fact be that more dangerous for the mother and newborn. However my fears are comforted for I know the faith and health of myself and child are in our heavenly father's hands.

how I loved you so...little did you know

I was reminicing on the times
before you went away
Sleepless nights
because together we wanted to stay
Early mornings in car parks
with endless conversations
I remember the look in your eyes
so smitten with love
My heart you enthralled

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

- Robert Frost

Mr. whoever you are

"A woman either loves or hates--she knows no medium"

from high heels and parties to high chairs and potties

Prepare to be Evicted !!!

28 weeks and 1 day.....

I had my 7 month visit today and I have to say it probably was the shortest of them all. In terms of seeing the doctor I mean I was in and out in no time. My little man was as usual hard to locate. Moving freely from one side of his condo to the next. It's probably bigger than it looks from the outside. It must be nice to live rent free and all expenses paid. Today 141 heart beats per minute. He must really be into cardio. And believe me, I could feel every little movement. He's growing steadily according to the doctor. Who was just like every other physician or aid that's seen me proclaimes at my small stomach "This a cute lil stomach!" Yuppers...lil man chose a nice place.  I'm just hoping for the delivery of a healthy baby and I'm so looking forward to meeting this free spirit he seems to possess so much of already.

Welcome to the 3rd and final Trimester.

for awhile I got a man to stick it out and make a home from a rented house

For what its worth...
What happens when something becomes completly devaluated?
When its appreciation is totally depreciated.
Then you can no longer see what once made you smile.
Now the evidence of imprefection clearly lys before my eyes.
A walking demonstration of the best lies I'd ever hear.

"What if you wasted love and our love in time disappeared, And the perfect song ends up being the last song you'll ever hear"

-Rihanna