Love til it hurts, when it hurts there's only Love left

NOTE TO SELF: YOU CAN'T ENJOY THE PRESENT IF YOU'RE STUCK IN THE PAST...
To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find their own happiness without expecting them to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

In another life I'd make you stay, so I wouldn't have to say you were the one that got away

For broken hearts:

You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. 
Don't. It's a bad word, belong.
You can't own a human being. 
You can't lose what you don't own. 
Suppose you did own him. 
Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? 
You really want somebody like that?
Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? 
You don't, do you?
And neither does he.
You're turning over your whole life to him.
Your whole life.
And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, 
Hand it to him, 
Then why should it mean any more to him? 
He can't value you more than you value yourself.

Love yourself, so you recognize when its practiced on you.

This is now

Alot can make a heart so cruel
Ruthless and unwilling to rule
After all the wrong the right will come along
I fight to keep Love alive
In a place so frigid and cold
This heart's destroyed
And every beat seems so much less than the one before
Someday the one will come
Until then I fight to keep a beaten heart beat alive.

slowy madly deeply

That's the way my love's for you
Though we sometimes
Wish things differently
This hearts' mastered the art
Much more than perfectly

I'll say the things that need to be heard
And I promise I'll listen when its your turn
But my heart you
May no longer lure
To disgrace and betray

It's been tried
And continually
Proven true
Only to you

This is a final chance
To prove yours can be too
Let's try
Slowly, madly, deeply
Love its me and you

the wickedest lesson in history

Still no difference nor new moves made
When left to your own devices
You are the same
Untamed and mesmerized by the game

When your attempt at resolution
Is forgotten as you drift asleep
You're never meaningful
When you speak to me

I hope this you
Will be one you never regret
As for me
I'm not afraid anymore
There is no mistake
For what God allows undone

I am my own life's lesson
As you are continually drawn
To the virtual comforts of others
That you'll surely manifest into flesh
I must find resolution
And soothing elsewhere

I remember a time before
You told that even in the end
Still you wouldn't want to let go
This resonates aloud
Maybe your end for us was long ago

My dreams are haunted by your favorite girls
And there your arms arch her back
Your fingers caress her curves
Night after night you are hers

I awake with tears
Drowning in a past love
Swiftly Lord order my steps
No one deserves a love like this

down but not out

I've always embraced the statement 'to err is human and to forgive is divine', this I really always believed. Though sometimes people don't deserve forgiveness they're afforded it nonetheless. Yet some people don't deserve forgiveness because there is no true remorse for their wrong-doings. I guess the best example would be to persons who are imprisoned and have out-right admitted to the crimes but are not convicted within themselves. Many convicted felons would say they aren't sorry for the crime they committed. However I am speaking from the stand point of relationships and forgiveness therein. Relationships seem to be one of the biggest fails of mankind. From the creation of Adam and Eve, relationships were misunderstood. Adam and Eve failed one another and most of all God, but there was no forgiveness there. God removed them immediately from the Garden of Eden which he promised because of disobedience and in turn all mankind suffered in sin. Sometimes there is no room for forgiveness. Some may rule, that God later sent grace and forgiveness through his Son and the Holy Spirit but the wrong-doing of Adam and Eve's sin could never be over-shadowed mankind is a bondage of strong holds.

I've been the forgiver and most definately the forgiven in my own personal relationships. I can admit to some of my own that is certain but honestly apologies are worthless if the actions that follow are not sincere. I know its a big assumption to say that most apologies aren't sincere but I really believe they aren't especially in relationships. People are always aware of their actions and can identify with how they would react if the tables were turned so to speak. I understand that some things happen without real thought of consequence. We make mistakes because of our own human natures but it is unfair to say "I'm only human". You're right but so is the other 2.5+ billion people on planet earth, thus your argument is over-ruled. I believe that in relationships people chose to manipulate each others emotions by abusing each others weaknesses and care for the other. Which just goes to show the sincerity was never there to begin with especially where remorse should now be present. I believe if you are given a chance to make things right after mistake and you follow along that same path ultimately the action will be repeated or will become worse. I've been guilty of such many times but I've grown much and now I feel I'm at a point in life where I'd appreciate true genuineness and sincerity without agenda a love that has my best interest at heart.

Some people believe that humans are actually good at heart and then there is the other side that believe human beings are creatures of betrayal and opportunity. I am the difference I believe human beings are both it's just by choice what you allow yourself to become despite background, circumstance or experience in the end inevitably you make the choice of who you allow yourself to become. I promised myself along time ago that no matter the experiences I am afforded I will never become a bitter person. I still believe in a heart of love and faithfulness. I know it's real that you can feel your heart not beat as strong as it once did, you can sit and feel a broken heart in your chest, you can ly down and not sleep because of the hurt and pain your heart can experience but one day it gets better. I'm looking forward to a future that holds no comparison to my past.  I want to forget all the memories of my past and be made anew. I look forward to this end of a new beginning. I remember feelings this way before and honestly it seemed perfect when I thought the time had come. I've now learned that if  it looks to good to be true it probably is. Rear cases you know. Have you ever noticed if something is of true value or rareness it can be identified and appraised right away? So if you are that rare exception there will be no need for doubt. Next time around in that bliss, when I skip I'll look back to see the step I've missed. Sometimes in order to move forward we must look back and make mention of what we may have over-looked the first time around. Move forward stronger and wiser than ever before.

something you broke

"If you had help fixing something you broke

Wouldn't you still try your best to fix it?

I believe that it would show true sincerity

Over what was broken

The attempt to regain what was lost

Would be valiant if you really cared

An open reassurance of heart would be there

No room for question would ever need arise."

After all the lies
And forced tears
I was my own personal witness
To your confessing love for another
I still believed in your adjusted truth

After all the lies
And forced tears
Everytime you waited until I left
To admire and dote on Facebook and Messenger
Always for another
I still believed that I this time I could be enough

After all the lies
And forced tears
For every love letter pleading your case
Of your true love for another
Me you wrote no longer
I still believed you held some sincerity for me

After all the lies
And forced tears
When you accused me of infidelities
I didn't commit
All of which you used as fuel and reason
To presue and bed others
I still believed love could be healed

After all the lies
And forced tears
You still rejected all arguments
And repeated all the same treads
The worst of all humiliation damning my unborn
I still believed the unspoken apologies

After all the lies
And forced tears
You said you wanted to really be there
But actions drowned out the words
Late parties and club hopping 
All the repeated signs you wanted to be elsewhere
I still believed even when you weren't there

After all the lies
And forced tears
Then you pretended like you were the one in need of care
Played me like a fool
Used and trashed me
All for the others
Back to a true more comfortable you
Apologetic when caught
Only sorry you were found out

After all the lies
And forced care
You still aren't sincere
Continuous moves with the venom of a serpent
And slumber like a fugitive on the run
There are no actions nor words of true love
Or future commitments of 'I do'
I believe you left your heart in another's bed

love actually

There is no such thing as a perfect partner but what if we all stop looking for the perfect partner and in essence became that perfect partner first for ourselves. Striving to love yourself more than anyone else ever could but when you did find someone with an unmistakable love for you and yours there is completion in two beings. Don't ever look for someone that completes you. That should not have to be the duty of another person. It is understandable to feel complete in someone but be sure not to lose your individuality in the process of relationships. That in itself is what makes relationships thrive the differences of two individuals that can co-exist within the likeness of love and all other commonalities.

A relationship takes 100% from both parties involved both giving not in hopes to receive but because of heart. Thus this type of love will be reciprocated without agenda. If you aren't willing to compromise and work through issues and show your partner that you too are willing to grow then a relationship will never flourish. As you get older what we want out of relationships change with each experience but we must never settle. Always remain true to yourself remember what matters to you. Never date someone you couldn't see yourself married to. From the 1st or 2nd date you have an impression about the type of person you're dealing with. If you see something you're not willing to handle and you don't speak up or move on chances are this flaw will worsen over time. Remember that many issues can be made better and others are just a lesson to carry on.


I've now learned from experience and that of others that love is a commitment and not an emotion or bait to gain what you want if only for the moment. Rather if you are willing to love in a relationship vow to be true and remain committed to the finish. Afterall, love should never be a fight but something worth fighting for. I still believe that true love never dies but rather is reciprocated by another.

These are a few traits that we all should aim to possess if not already. It's not about finding the right partner but being the right partner.

Integrity- Being honest is of great importance because most people nowadays only speak out of manipulation to get what they desire from whomever of whatever situation and it really disgusts me that integrity seems not to exist anymore. This just means that some persons have not your best interest at heart only their own which is a sense of selfishness therein love can never exist. Even when the truth hurts it's worth the pain.


Respect- In every sense of the word. The way in which they carry themselves, treats others, and most of all towards your partner.  This means mind, body, soul the person as a whole. In a  relationship no other voice besides you and your partner should be involved.

Fun Loving- Someone of spontaneity with a willingness to try new things. Be able to bring something to the relationship where you can teach your partner, vice versa and always experience something you've both never together. Routine and habit can be a virus to a relationship. Never let the spark go out.

Goal Oriented - Someone who's not financially where they want to be is never a bad thing, but someone who sits in the contentment of mediocrity is. A partner with ideas and goals is a must. Someone who thinks not only about the now but a future and includes you is a great find. If your partner can not commit to even the smallest of goals set forth they can neither be committed to a relationship.


Provider-  A partner with a heart for others will always find a way. Men thrive on being able to provide for their own. Not necessarily to have everything at their fingertips but if only the means by which something can be accomplished. Knowing that one of your obligations as a partner is to take care of what you love is key.

God Fearing- Alot of individuals are caught up only in themselves and what the world can do for them or better yet what they can get out of it. Many people go day by day, thinking it is only by their own hands and the sweat of their brows that life is done. A partner with a sense of spirituality in something higher than ourselves existing is essential. If God is in the midst of a union nothing can be against it.

I will be there when you need someone to run with

I will be there when you need someone to dance with

I'm your lover when the skies turn grey

Every day til' it's beautiful baby

-Robin Thicke

there's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you the chance there's nothing you can do

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.

-Dalai Lama

waiting for the wonderful again

Some say love hurts but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Loosing someone you love hurts. Betrayal hurts. Thing is people confuse these things with love, but in reality, Love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.

i decided long ago to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear

So there are some individuals who believe that I think that I'm better than other people and that I'm stuck up because of reasons I don't even care to mention. That being said if you and/or other parties involved are bothered by my confidence you may want to check your own level of self-esteem. I mean saying unnecessary and untrue shit about others who don't even know that you exist is really shallow. Some people should really find better pastimes. I really could give a shit less what you think of me. Obviously you watching my life signifies the lack of depth thereof in your own. I rep 'Rich Girls' but in that regard it doesn't relate directly to money itself. I'm rich in love, beauty, intelligence, independence, realness, and talent. And if you disagree, prove yourself wrong but first of all stop going around saying 'you know me'! I'm not here to impress you. Better yet stay watching my continual rise from that pathetic level below you at.

"You cannot hate other people without hating yourself"

-Oprah

til its beautiful

I'd like to believe that I'm a meaningful person. Living life with a reasoning for most actions because they meant something to me if even in the smallest capacity or if even it was totally BS when it all comes down to it it's because I wanted to by choice. I've repeatedly attested to my man being responsible for great change in my life like no other "God-sent" and I still feel this way. When we first met he introduced me to a song by Robin Thicke called 'Superman'. My man totally sang the praises of this song...I had to hear. And after I totally understood why he felt like it meant so much more to him after he met me and then now why it means so much to me because of him. My interpretation of the song stems initially from the title 'Superman', everyone knows Superman as a hero and his love the distressed Louis Lane. Well the song is a depiction of just that for the most part. An individual who feels like the average Clarke Kent so to speak aiming for the unattainable but yet still falling short to a mediocre existence. Until the encounter of someone with a Louis Lane type persona. They both have what the other needs but ultimately the same goal is the happiness and worth found being in love. Superman feels like a hero because of Louis Lane and she feels like his flight because he takes her to places she's never experienced saving her in every way possible a person can be saved. The song goes on to elaborate on this when you need someone for all those moments where some may feel when you're at your worst you'd be left alone just as Louis Lane at all the worst times she needed Superman...well this 'Superman' vows to be there in spite of it all 'til its beautiful'. The repetitive catch phrase of the song which would have been an appropriate title but the genius of it all was woven together in one word 'Superman'. And because of this vow to stay committed these two individuals are changed for the better and everyone who they come in contact with can see it in a positive light. In a nutshell it's the belief in love, the hope that there will always be someone to reciprocate this. Even in the darkest of times when you may very well be alone, you're holding on because you know something beautiful will become of it all.



I got my first tattoo...about 2 years ago I think. I can't quite remember but surprisingly it wasn't such a bad experience. I've always been fascinated with them and promised I would get more. Once I decided what I wanted. My first was a heart surrounded by wings that I decided on because to me it means to 'Love freely without reservation'.



Now for what all the explanation of the Robin Thicke song was about. I decided on my forth tattoo a few weeks ago. I would get the words 'til its beautiful' for all the reason inspired bythe song, experiences and my man that are all personal to me. I got it this past weekend and I could not be happier. I look at this everyday in a very visible place and I love it the more because of a depth of meaning behind the words.

the best love awakens the soul and makes you reach for more

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory

Cause I put too much energy in him and me

Can't wait til I get throught this phase cause it's killing me

Too bad we can't rewrite our own history

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it suppose to be

When I opened my eyes

I could see you draining out of me

Hurting and pulling

And for a moment

I wished I were still dreaming

But it's true here's no fairytale ending

if you believe in love at first sight you never stop looking

He smiled this way today
Cheeky faces meet
His sublime pleasantry
Disarmed the aching me
He came over weightless
As though he never even touched the ground
Then he whispered
And out came sounds of serenity
With the face of an angel
Divinity spoke
He said
Hello stranger I dreamed of you last night

"I'll be waiting....waiting for you to leave me"

love without moderation

the time that moves too fast

the love that's become the past

when he says he'll leave you never

even harder after he's gone forever

before dawn and after sunset

I'll close my eyes
And be gone again
There I'll get the chance
To say I love you once more
Pretend that you're still mine
And that my heart's not breaking each time



You can be mad in the morning
I'll take back what I said
Just don't leave me alone here
It's cold baby
Come back to bed
-John Mayer

C'est le vie

And I wonder today if this is how some people really feel inside. Like they've given up everything that they've ever held dear to them just because they felt that love took control. And then it seems like a time comes when the shine wears away and they end up feeling like that guy. Alone with no where or no one to go to.

Can love really do that?

I would have never believed before until now. The crazy things people do for love and I believe most do regret what they gave up. Despite all the memories and hearty plans. Life before the love would have probably been better than the present circumstance if you look like that guy. Love's ride usually holds much happiness along with the hardships. However, most people don't look like that guy from their outward appearances. You'd think people are happy with their present circumstances. Some of the most successful looking relationships are filled with misery and pain of people with pretend smiles. When on the inside they feel like that guy and too are wondering how's it that they ended up here or knowingly beat themselves up about the 'whys' and 'what-ifs' of it all. People will always fail you in some way or another because the human heart is that of expectancy. We expect people to give us exactly what we need or sometimes even more. And real love is not that of expectancy. It's not expecting any and giving much. You only can get to this point when individuals understand the nature of love and its creator.

"And in the end we always remember our beginning"

God is love. Love in its purest form is the love of God. Agape. This is when we can love ourselves and others as Christ loves us. The best example I can give of that love is Christ sending his son for the love he had for humanity not to see us perish in our own sinful nature.So he gave his son up all in total sacrifice for humanity many of which who still didn't believe then and still now. Nonetheless when you're going through the hardship of giving it all for love don't feel wary because even Jesus cried out "Lord why have you forsaken me?!" on the cross. An irrefutable human emotion that he was not wrong to feel though he knew in his heart the purpose and the outcome of it all. In spite of, just as Christ you may feel abandoned and hurt because of it all, continue to be faithful and believe if it's Gods' will he'll put you through it to see you through it and if not his will he delivers those that want to be set free. Yet as individuals we are all afforded free-will to chose our own paths and to thread wherever they may lead us. Live.Love.Laugh.

may the Lord make his face to shine upon me

"To err is human to forgive divine"

-Pope Alexander

letting go

Should I be chasing
Or pacing
Backtracking the steps
So I could get right
The moment it went wrong

No need for the consultation
I won't need to see the hall
Sizes for the right fit
Time no longer permits

Grasping for control
I no longer have a hold
I plant my feet
Steadily breath in deep

Staying true
To words sworn to keep
This love's a tease
No more pleas
Bittersweet reality

quiddity

I've got a benevolent a smile
My reflection often changes her name
Got past blues I no longer explain
Perpetual love to proclaim

Each morning my day begins
I make up my mind
It never changes
But I'm a shape shifter by choice

I gave you my number
But I always knew the score
The places where you'd stumble
Undoubtedly fall

I'm the one who plays quiet songs
Dancing until all the tears are gone
I'll keep shining til my heart's torn

I was once the girl but forever the woman
I carry the weight of lives
The promises of many
All countless memories in my mind