even when its not happy there's always an ending

This year
The world didn't come to and end
An Apocalypse didn't cease to halt our existence

Though I feel mines has halted in more ways than one
Now his hugs aren't mine anymore
He'll never kiss me deeply
With me he shifted repeatedly
Gears never quite found its fit

I had bent and break
Cleaning and washing
All the grim that I could get out
I missed the stained washed tears
Nothing covered the open wounds
The untainted words 
And unforgivable action

He  made the final current call
But it wasn't me he was trying to figure out
Not my language of love but anothers'
All this time wasted and abused
Not one bit amused
Love removed

"I'm done"  all the wondering
Headache
Heartache
Figuring out
Time out

Repeated rendezvous of mistaken love
There was always another miss
He misses reaches to reunite with 
Or make a night with

This Love
Will never be enough
Not where he wants to be
His aim is much better
Do better love
Take care 



  

This is now

Alot can make a heart so cruel
Ruthless and unwilling to rule
After all the wrong the right will come along
I fight to keep Love alive
In a place so frigid and cold
This heart's destroyed
And every beat seems so much less than the one before
Someday the one will come
Until then I fight to keep a beaten heart beat alive.

someone will love me this way

Without him, tomorrow wouldn't be worth the wait ; Yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering. No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside

love actually

There is no such thing as a perfect partner but what if we all stop looking for the perfect partner and in essence became that perfect partner first for ourselves. Striving to love yourself more than anyone else ever could but when you did find someone with an unmistakable love for you and yours there is completion in two beings. Don't ever look for someone that completes you. That should not have to be the duty of another person. It is understandable to feel complete in someone but be sure not to lose your individuality in the process of relationships. That in itself is what makes relationships thrive the differences of two individuals that can co-exist within the likeness of love and all other commonalities.

A relationship takes 100% from both parties involved both giving not in hopes to receive but because of heart. Thus this type of love will be reciprocated without agenda. If you aren't willing to compromise and work through issues and show your partner that you too are willing to grow then a relationship will never flourish. As you get older what we want out of relationships change with each experience but we must never settle. Always remain true to yourself remember what matters to you. Never date someone you couldn't see yourself married to. From the 1st or 2nd date you have an impression about the type of person you're dealing with. If you see something you're not willing to handle and you don't speak up or move on chances are this flaw will worsen over time. Remember that many issues can be made better and others are just a lesson to carry on.


I've now learned from experience and that of others that love is a commitment and not an emotion or bait to gain what you want if only for the moment. Rather if you are willing to love in a relationship vow to be true and remain committed to the finish. Afterall, love should never be a fight but something worth fighting for. I still believe that true love never dies but rather is reciprocated by another.

These are a few traits that we all should aim to possess if not already. It's not about finding the right partner but being the right partner.

Integrity- Being honest is of great importance because most people nowadays only speak out of manipulation to get what they desire from whomever of whatever situation and it really disgusts me that integrity seems not to exist anymore. This just means that some persons have not your best interest at heart only their own which is a sense of selfishness therein love can never exist. Even when the truth hurts it's worth the pain.


Respect- In every sense of the word. The way in which they carry themselves, treats others, and most of all towards your partner.  This means mind, body, soul the person as a whole. In a  relationship no other voice besides you and your partner should be involved.

Fun Loving- Someone of spontaneity with a willingness to try new things. Be able to bring something to the relationship where you can teach your partner, vice versa and always experience something you've both never together. Routine and habit can be a virus to a relationship. Never let the spark go out.

Goal Oriented - Someone who's not financially where they want to be is never a bad thing, but someone who sits in the contentment of mediocrity is. A partner with ideas and goals is a must. Someone who thinks not only about the now but a future and includes you is a great find. If your partner can not commit to even the smallest of goals set forth they can neither be committed to a relationship.


Provider-  A partner with a heart for others will always find a way. Men thrive on being able to provide for their own. Not necessarily to have everything at their fingertips but if only the means by which something can be accomplished. Knowing that one of your obligations as a partner is to take care of what you love is key.

God Fearing- Alot of individuals are caught up only in themselves and what the world can do for them or better yet what they can get out of it. Many people go day by day, thinking it is only by their own hands and the sweat of their brows that life is done. A partner with a sense of spirituality in something higher than ourselves existing is essential. If God is in the midst of a union nothing can be against it.

I will be there when you need someone to run with

I will be there when you need someone to dance with

I'm your lover when the skies turn grey

Every day til' it's beautiful baby

-Robin Thicke

when we meet again I'll be standing in the rain

There the raindrops will hide the evidence
Of tears fallen from losing you
I needed you really bad
And I thought maybe
I could just love you so much more this time

I promised that I wouldn't shout

Pout or single all the bad moves out
Then you'd see how much I wanted you
The way I thought you needed me too

But it was like trying to move a car
Driving with the tires all gone
I still can't believe you so quickly
Gave yourself away
Allowed my Superman to go astray

I can't imagine you kissing anothers lip
It hurts the most to know

You willingly did all this
And now you crave more options
I can never be it

Maybe we're not suppose to ever really understand

This is the cross meant to bare

Just when I was finally getting use

To the tears

And you not being here
You got me believing again
In all you knew no longer existed

I just need now to believe

In something in the distance

That's worth more than just missing

I don't want to crave your re-used lips

And rehearsed kisses

It's probably best we not do this

There's only your twisted logic to credit

For the millionth time you reconsidered

And me you chose to dismiss

I stood here in the pouring rain

Because you needed to know

And I just still couldn't let the teardrops show

Everyday I die a little less inside

And now we can both stop wondering why

God didn't allow us a millionth and one try

For awhile we were both just characters

In a broken hearted book

And someday some lovestruck teenager

Will be touched to by this

And hopefully they'll see

That not all love

Is truly meant to be

since me you never believed

I want to be like you
And quickly not care about us too
I want to be cruel
And say all the harsh words you said
All the ones that forced the tears I withheld

I want to be like you
And be flirtatious too
I want to be able to believe
That after almost a year
Of all the love shared
I couldn't be more happier without you there

I want to be like you
And have all these ready-made plans too
Of a life without you included
Where I can freely dream of another love
That could of long ago been the one
Instead of being lied to
And all the while having reality misconstrued
Because it was really always about you

I want to be like you
And not think about you obsessively
Anxious to chat online and text message potentials too
Ready and willing to date for new love
As though I knew long ago you weren't the one
I wish you'd told me
Instead of allowing me to fall for you
So used and bruised

Nevertheless I am not like you
I will never not care about us
I cannot pretend that I'm happy you aren't here
There is no other I dream of
Though I plan I still think about you
I don't crave the comfort of strangers
Or the many that have waited with personal agendas
I'd never intentionally hurt you
I would have told you not to fall
Because I wouldn't catch you there

I never want to be like you
I'll cherish the moments
And I'll remember all
You've surely forgotten
I clearly get it
You're gone
And we've both done our wrongs
For now I close my eyes
And dream while I can
Someday the one will come

said hello the same way we said good-bye last night

I believed in our love

I still can't believe you disagree repeatedly

This is your good-bye

Surely time will loose these memories

And I'll find that there's something else to believe in.

"I still love the feeling I get from you, I hope you'll never stop because it gets me through."

-Ozzy Osbourne

the unconquerable heart

Can you send the one for me
That won't leave inevitably
Someone who can forever care about me whole-heartedly
Swiftly let love recover
Like the earth's deepest crater discovered.

I've never enjoyed the melancholy transition between lovers
All the restless nights of memories
I wish I could chase away with straight vodka shots
If only they'd stay far enough
That the teardrops stopped.

Love promised me that he'd be the final kiss
Comfort to the unconquerable heart
But I was taken from the closing act
Dismissed he said "I don't care anymore".
I became the fool fallen in love
Believing and wanting it all
Too good to be true was
Silly beating heart I want what you promised back.

Love missed the fine print

'Fragile - contents are breakable'
And with a lifetime warranty just below
It read "I'll love you always"

I needed you to know.



"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one for me."

-James Blunt

SweetSorrow

Time will bring the real end of trial

One day there will be no remenants

No trace, no residual feelings within you

One day you won't remember me

Your face will be the reason I smile

But I will not see what I cannot have forever

I'll always love you

I hope you feel the same

Oh, you played me dirty, your game so bad

You toyed with my afflication, had to fill out my presciption

Found the remedy, I had to set you free

Away from me to see clearly

The way that love can be when you are not with me

I had to leave, I had to live

I had to leave, I had to live

If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty

wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, pretty wings around

I came wrong, you were right

Transformed your love into like

Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night, sleep til I die a thousand times

I should have showed you better nights

better times, better days

I miss you more and more

If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty

wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings

Your pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, pretty wings

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around

never thought that I'd fall for you as hard as I did

There's so much to say

But the words
They never come out that way
And I can never stop
For you I'll always answer the call
You still consume my heart
This I cannot easily dismiss
I'll be there for each kiss
Damaging but promised to no other

You I'm constantly needing
I know I must get through this

I awake to the comfort in your face
Immediately drawn to be closer
I want to be wrapped up in you
Lovers under the covers
No care
Never to mind
Then just as instantly as you intoxicate me
I'm reminded of the current circumstance
If only now love could take
Us back in time
We'd see reflections maybe could understand

I cannot resist you
Nor do I want
But after this ecstasy
You leave my heart even more torn
This needing is too weakening
Got it bad
I have to break this bad habit
Can't take this no more

if the Lord asked me what I did with my life I would say I spent it with you

This time it really hurts.
I'm afraid if manifested into words.
It will make it all to real.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
If each kiss and the missing.
Would release the longing .
Maybe then  I could feel it.
Only he benefits from this temporary fix.
Now my dreams are evaded with the potentials.
That may have always existed.
Just now they're next on his list.
I'm drifting away.
Love would have hurt to make me stay.

til its beautiful

I'd like to believe that I'm a meaningful person. Living life with a reasoning for most actions because they meant something to me if even in the smallest capacity or if even it was totally BS when it all comes down to it it's because I wanted to by choice. I've repeatedly attested to my man being responsible for great change in my life like no other "God-sent" and I still feel this way. When we first met he introduced me to a song by Robin Thicke called 'Superman'. My man totally sang the praises of this song...I had to hear. And after I totally understood why he felt like it meant so much more to him after he met me and then now why it means so much to me because of him. My interpretation of the song stems initially from the title 'Superman', everyone knows Superman as a hero and his love the distressed Louis Lane. Well the song is a depiction of just that for the most part. An individual who feels like the average Clarke Kent so to speak aiming for the unattainable but yet still falling short to a mediocre existence. Until the encounter of someone with a Louis Lane type persona. They both have what the other needs but ultimately the same goal is the happiness and worth found being in love. Superman feels like a hero because of Louis Lane and she feels like his flight because he takes her to places she's never experienced saving her in every way possible a person can be saved. The song goes on to elaborate on this when you need someone for all those moments where some may feel when you're at your worst you'd be left alone just as Louis Lane at all the worst times she needed Superman...well this 'Superman' vows to be there in spite of it all 'til its beautiful'. The repetitive catch phrase of the song which would have been an appropriate title but the genius of it all was woven together in one word 'Superman'. And because of this vow to stay committed these two individuals are changed for the better and everyone who they come in contact with can see it in a positive light. In a nutshell it's the belief in love, the hope that there will always be someone to reciprocate this. Even in the darkest of times when you may very well be alone, you're holding on because you know something beautiful will become of it all.



I got my first tattoo...about 2 years ago I think. I can't quite remember but surprisingly it wasn't such a bad experience. I've always been fascinated with them and promised I would get more. Once I decided what I wanted. My first was a heart surrounded by wings that I decided on because to me it means to 'Love freely without reservation'.



Now for what all the explanation of the Robin Thicke song was about. I decided on my forth tattoo a few weeks ago. I would get the words 'til its beautiful' for all the reason inspired bythe song, experiences and my man that are all personal to me. I got it this past weekend and I could not be happier. I look at this everyday in a very visible place and I love it the more because of a depth of meaning behind the words.

for some moments in life there are no need for words

because I'll always have you

I wish you hold on to

every word I say

I hope you mean

every apology you ever tell

I wish you'd think about

how much it hurts

I pray we never give up

on our love

I hope that someday you remember

everything I will never forget

I pray that with each passing day

you become the man God wants

I know that each day

you are becoming the best man I've ever known

"this years love had better last"

-David Grey

if heaven had a height you would be that tall

i saw heaven today...
it was in his eyes...
i heard angels today..
his i love you echoed so sound..
i saw heaven today....

and on this day our love was infinite

It is so true that when you love your partner you become connected to that person in every possible way. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. You and that person have created a life changing bond. Their grief is yours, their happiness is yours, their troubles are yours. You passionately feel for one another through this connection. And if ever both individuals don't stay together for the remainder of your lives which in most cases doesn't happen. If sincere and requited love is truly involved you will never forget the experience and how that person made you feel because of this.

Today began just a beautiful as any other. It started with the daily devotions and breakfast. This love I always appreciate. I pray in thanksgiving for the allowance to see another day and experience the never-changing and faithful love of both my heavenly father and my babe. I pray for the family I've been blessed with and for strength and comfort to the burdened and hurting that I do not know. I pray for the protection of many and for the forgiveness of my short-comings. I pray for the wisdom to receive the knowledge in whatever is placed before me and a discerning spirit to identify it all. I pray for the strength to deal with unexpected challenges that life surely brings. I am in thanksgiving for the blessings I cannot see but through faith believe that they will surely come.


He soothes my heart and encourages my spirit. Yet now my heart is abit burdened. That connection is being tested. His fatherhood is on trial. I can only now empathise and be the support that he needs. I believe that this only a test and this too shall pass. The bible says that God will never give us more than we can bear. These past months for us have constantly been a test. And is proven in our daily interaction with one another and others. God is ever-faithful and I put this situation entirely in his hands. In the meantime I will continue to pray for strength to be the woman that the man needs now and to be in the place that both of needs to be for God to work.

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart."

Psalm 27:14

the best

you don't have to always hold your head higher than your heart

I swear to you it's okay to leap before looking and not be assured that there's solid ground beneath your feet. And if while you're falling you gasp for breath and prehaps even second guess. When you look back at what you left behind gwad knows the view coming at you a million miles per second will be nothing less than beautiful.I awoke in beauty's arms and he kissed my cheek. I was alot more prepared than I thought. I welcome this eternal bliss everyday, every moment, this life is so worthy of every kiss. Aw....love you!

peace in your arms

My heart said a silent prayer
Dedicated to my bleeding love
Beating steadily
Loving on a dying breath
If I were an old me
I still would wish you needed me
Every minute of every day like I needed you
All the sleepless nights
I cried waking the daylight

Love helped to release me
Of this non-existent hope
My heart smiles so many times over
When my love was there
It you continually chose to miss
Though I never regretted
Any shedded tears
It was genuwine care

Now if your presence crosses my mind
I still smile awhile
And feel an invisible kiss
You still reach out to me
Ever this heart remembers your name
Never will it forget
First love's impact
Every smile
Laughter
And tear this heart ensnared

I don't know my heart's plea
But it must have silently spoken loudly
Because somehow you came to me
Again you rang
Now you needed me
Only this time
It was your heart's distress

The feeling all too familar
Yet you never answered my continual calls
But somehow I can't disconnect
And tell you not to recollect
You say you needed peace with me
To manifest in the flesh

I trusted not my fragile heart
A greater force
Steps ordered by him
Maybe it wasn't my prayer but his
To deal with the past
And so I walked to where my past sat
Pleading with me

You are no stranger to me
Still I crave not an embrace
The words chased
Now start to percolate
And again it was genuwine care

Last good-byes were ugly
But found in my heart
To see you
Now in a different light
Calming and easy
Even when I spoke of him

Still you don't feel the same
You said you can't let go
That you are no good to anyone
You miss me
Thinking of me
Every second
Of everyday
Now the roles have reversed
Only this time I am no longer there
This toxic love has gone to waste

For what seemed like an eternity
A million shared stares
Still null words
That held premature existence
No care withheld
Even with stunted answers
We both smiled
I admit each a painful
But unshrouded one

Intrupted by a familar reality
We now needed to say good-bye
Once again
Still left with a million unspoken words
Of all the rights gone wrong

Maybe there will never be enough time
To say all the things we should have
Everything still cannot encompass
Each heart's sorry
To kiss
To embrace
To eternally miss
In your arms
Never a failing reason
Other than death's eternal kiss
Love immortalized
First love can never be dismissed.

consumption

My love,
My husband,
My friend,
My lover
My everything Godsend
You have totally consumed me.
Mind. Body. Soul.
And to be this far away from you aches.
But to be in your presence
If only a short while
Having this missing

Under submission
 

I count the seconds

And I hold my breath
To bliss from your every smile
Linger on the touch of your fingertips
And savour the taste of your lips when we kiss
So until then
I am waiting here

To exhale again