even when its not happy there's always an ending

This year
The world didn't come to and end
An Apocalypse didn't cease to halt our existence

Though I feel mines has halted in more ways than one
Now his hugs aren't mine anymore
He'll never kiss me deeply
With me he shifted repeatedly
Gears never quite found its fit

I had bent and break
Cleaning and washing
All the grim that I could get out
I missed the stained washed tears
Nothing covered the open wounds
The untainted words 
And unforgivable action

He  made the final current call
But it wasn't me he was trying to figure out
Not my language of love but anothers'
All this time wasted and abused
Not one bit amused
Love removed

"I'm done"  all the wondering
Headache
Heartache
Figuring out
Time out

Repeated rendezvous of mistaken love
There was always another miss
He misses reaches to reunite with 
Or make a night with

This Love
Will never be enough
Not where he wants to be
His aim is much better
Do better love
Take care 



  

Heart

This is now

Alot can make a heart so cruel
Ruthless and unwilling to rule
After all the wrong the right will come along
I fight to keep Love alive
In a place so frigid and cold
This heart's destroyed
And every beat seems so much less than the one before
Someday the one will come
Until then I fight to keep a beaten heart beat alive.

slowy madly deeply

That's the way my love's for you
Though we sometimes
Wish things differently
This hearts' mastered the art
Much more than perfectly

I'll say the things that need to be heard
And I promise I'll listen when its your turn
But my heart you
May no longer lure
To disgrace and betray

It's been tried
And continually
Proven true
Only to you

This is a final chance
To prove yours can be too
Let's try
Slowly, madly, deeply
Love its me and you

the wickedest lesson in history

Still no difference nor new moves made
When left to your own devices
You are the same
Untamed and mesmerized by the game

When your attempt at resolution
Is forgotten as you drift asleep
You're never meaningful
When you speak to me

I hope this you
Will be one you never regret
As for me
I'm not afraid anymore
There is no mistake
For what God allows undone

I am my own life's lesson
As you are continually drawn
To the virtual comforts of others
That you'll surely manifest into flesh
I must find resolution
And soothing elsewhere

I remember a time before
You told that even in the end
Still you wouldn't want to let go
This resonates aloud
Maybe your end for us was long ago

My dreams are haunted by your favorite girls
And there your arms arch her back
Your fingers caress her curves
Night after night you are hers

I awake with tears
Drowning in a past love
Swiftly Lord order my steps
No one deserves a love like this

down but not out

I've always embraced the statement 'to err is human and to forgive is divine', this I really always believed. Though sometimes people don't deserve forgiveness they're afforded it nonetheless. Yet some people don't deserve forgiveness because there is no true remorse for their wrong-doings. I guess the best example would be to persons who are imprisoned and have out-right admitted to the crimes but are not convicted within themselves. Many convicted felons would say they aren't sorry for the crime they committed. However I am speaking from the stand point of relationships and forgiveness therein. Relationships seem to be one of the biggest fails of mankind. From the creation of Adam and Eve, relationships were misunderstood. Adam and Eve failed one another and most of all God, but there was no forgiveness there. God removed them immediately from the Garden of Eden which he promised because of disobedience and in turn all mankind suffered in sin. Sometimes there is no room for forgiveness. Some may rule, that God later sent grace and forgiveness through his Son and the Holy Spirit but the wrong-doing of Adam and Eve's sin could never be over-shadowed mankind is a bondage of strong holds.

I've been the forgiver and most definately the forgiven in my own personal relationships. I can admit to some of my own that is certain but honestly apologies are worthless if the actions that follow are not sincere. I know its a big assumption to say that most apologies aren't sincere but I really believe they aren't especially in relationships. People are always aware of their actions and can identify with how they would react if the tables were turned so to speak. I understand that some things happen without real thought of consequence. We make mistakes because of our own human natures but it is unfair to say "I'm only human". You're right but so is the other 2.5+ billion people on planet earth, thus your argument is over-ruled. I believe that in relationships people chose to manipulate each others emotions by abusing each others weaknesses and care for the other. Which just goes to show the sincerity was never there to begin with especially where remorse should now be present. I believe if you are given a chance to make things right after mistake and you follow along that same path ultimately the action will be repeated or will become worse. I've been guilty of such many times but I've grown much and now I feel I'm at a point in life where I'd appreciate true genuineness and sincerity without agenda a love that has my best interest at heart.

Some people believe that humans are actually good at heart and then there is the other side that believe human beings are creatures of betrayal and opportunity. I am the difference I believe human beings are both it's just by choice what you allow yourself to become despite background, circumstance or experience in the end inevitably you make the choice of who you allow yourself to become. I promised myself along time ago that no matter the experiences I am afforded I will never become a bitter person. I still believe in a heart of love and faithfulness. I know it's real that you can feel your heart not beat as strong as it once did, you can sit and feel a broken heart in your chest, you can ly down and not sleep because of the hurt and pain your heart can experience but one day it gets better. I'm looking forward to a future that holds no comparison to my past.  I want to forget all the memories of my past and be made anew. I look forward to this end of a new beginning. I remember feelings this way before and honestly it seemed perfect when I thought the time had come. I've now learned that if  it looks to good to be true it probably is. Rear cases you know. Have you ever noticed if something is of true value or rareness it can be identified and appraised right away? So if you are that rare exception there will be no need for doubt. Next time around in that bliss, when I skip I'll look back to see the step I've missed. Sometimes in order to move forward we must look back and make mention of what we may have over-looked the first time around. Move forward stronger and wiser than ever before.

someone will love me this way

Without him, tomorrow wouldn't be worth the wait ; Yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering. No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside