if you exist

Could you if only for a moment
Slow down
The beating of my heart
It hurts so much today

Could you hold
Back the tears
That won't seem to go away
I don't want them to show
Or fall where they may

Could you maybe just remind me
Of how much comfort
And peace
Ever faithful love
You've always promised to be



Could you help
My mind to not replay
Over and over
The moments of that day
This heart's continually aching
I miss the love making

Could you make me
The strong woman
In life's portrait
That I aspire
And practice to be

Could you show
Rediscovery in hope
No longer valleys and peaks
Where love lingers
And some how still
Misses me

Could you forgive me
For loving with mortality
Longing for immense
Comfortability
Lingering places I knew
I was forbidden to be

Could you give some patience
To wait without haste
Contemplate
And articulate
Love still waits

time

And though we said goodbye last night
There is still music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for
Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when we're all gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is


I had second thoughts at the start
But you held on to my heart
Now I know the man that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for
I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

deserving tears

You tell me how much you hurt
All the spoken words
Long weekends we took
Ready made plans
Of anticipation
And blissful revelations
This is harsh dictation

A thousand apologies
Heartfelt I'm sorry
Embraced to keep you near
Yet no more promises
Visions of monogamy
Reduced to unforgiving unpleasanteries

There is no more understanding
The past unraveled is plaguing
Emotions raging
Deserving of unmoved patience
Hearts craving

The rhythme of your words
Still not deserved
Accepted pretension
You'll never have to settle
Keep pushing forward
Your feet's on the pedal

Disguised obsession
Wasn't what you thought you knew
Now you're hit
Feels like a slab of bricks
Again heart's wound
And now time ticks
This love is dismissed
Felt in each hollow kiss

Maybe discovery of self
Could this be the results
Of another one of love's masteries
This heart's halted
Deserving of second-guessing
I've learned from this love lesson

letting go

Should I be chasing
Or pacing
Backtracking the steps
So I could get right
The moment it went wrong

No need for the consultation
I won't need to see the hall
Sizes for the right fit
Time no longer permits

Grasping for control
I no longer have a hold
I plant my feet
Steadily breath in deep

Staying true
To words sworn to keep
This love's a tease
No more pleas
Bittersweet reality

quiddity

I've got a benevolent a smile
My reflection often changes her name
Got past blues I no longer explain
Perpetual love to proclaim

Each morning my day begins
I make up my mind
It never changes
But I'm a shape shifter by choice

I gave you my number
But I always knew the score
The places where you'd stumble
Undoubtedly fall

I'm the one who plays quiet songs
Dancing until all the tears are gone
I'll keep shining til my heart's torn

I was once the girl but forever the woman
I carry the weight of lives
The promises of many
All countless memories in my mind

not quite the exception

We sit in silence

Failing at every word

With heavy sighs

And anxious heartbeats

This love's chasing me

"I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever"

-Andy Warhol

Yesterday which was today's tomorrow was beautiful

I felt it before the sun even peaked

Searching for your face

A smile no other completes

You weren't there

Before I arose you left me

I'm here dreaming again

A familiar reality

Could you just come

Maybe rescue me

Don't keep replaying all the wrongs

When there's so much more

That can be done right

Stunned present

Yields no future

Now you've broken me

"All you need is love is a lie. We had love but we still said good-bye."

-John Mayer

dance in the rain

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and that company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up high, and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns, if you get too much, so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers, and you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth...

the coldest winter ever

Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears.

The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain.

Forgiveness: The perfume a flower leaves on the shoe that crushed it